Escaping To My Happy Place

In Memory of Martin Luther King, Jr.

2012-01-16T18:40:00.000-07:00

‎"Cowardice asks the question, 'Is it safe?' Expediency asks the question, 'Is it politic?' Vanity asks the question, 'Is it popular?' But conscience asks the question, 'Is it right?' And there comes a time when one must take a position that is neither safe, nor politic, nor popular -- but one must take it because it's right." —Martin Luther King Jr.

portrait by Debra Hurd

"School ADD Isn’t Homeschool ADD" by Laura Grace Weldon

2012-01-11T19:44:00.000-07:00

"It took almost two years of watching my child try to please his teachers and be himself in two different school systems that were, by necessity, not designed to handle individual differences. His schoolwork habits deteriorated except when the project at hand intrigued him. He appreciated the cheerful demeanor of his third grade teacher even though she told me she didn’t expect much from him until his Iowa Test results came back with overall scores at the 99^th percentile. Then she deemed him an underachiever and pulled his desk next to hers, right in front of the whole class, to make sure he paid attention to his paperwork rather than look out the window or fiddle with odd and ends he’d found. That’s where he stayed.

When he was eight years old I took my children out of school forever.

Homeschooling didn’t “fix” anything for my son, at least right away. I made many of the mistakes I teachers made with him. I enthusiastically offered projects that meant nothing to him, expecting him to sit still and complete them. And I saw the same behaviors his teachers described. My son sat at the kitchen table, a few pages to finish before we headed off to the park or some other adventure. But every day he dropped his pencil so he could climb under the table after it, erased holes in his paper, found a focal spot out the window for his daydreams, complained as if math problems were mental thumbscrews. I used to lie awake at night afraid that he’d never be able to do long division.

Yet every time I stepped back, allowing him to pursue his own interests he picked up complicated concepts beautifully. I watched him design his own rockets. He figured out materials he needed, built them carefully and cheerfully started over with his own carefully considered improvements when he made mistakes. I realized his “problem” was my insistence he learn as I had done—from a static page. Homeschooling showed me that children don’t fare well as passive recipients of education. They want to take part in meaningful activities relevant to their own lives. They develop greater skills by building on their gifts, not focusing on abilities they lack."

Read the whole marvelous blog post here

One Main Reason I Am No Longer Conservative

2011-12-21T02:52:00.000-07:00

Not Enough?

2011-12-20T22:50:00.000-07:00

"You, yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection." - Buddha

A dear friend of mine is going through a separation and probably a divorce. This has happened to several of my friends over the last few years, but this one surprises me the most. This is not to say I blame my sassy women friends for their marriages ending, but since they are sassy I can see why they would be less inclined to put up with bull shit. This one, though, blindsided me. He's leaving her because he she hasn't lost the baby weight fast enough and he doesn't want to have sex with her anymore.

This friend is one of those unique people that doesn't seem to have a bad bone in her body. In 3 years of friendship I have never once heard her say something mean about someone else. She is a gentle mother, an amazing chef, a generous friend. She's the kind of wife most men dream about - accommodating, willing to give her spouse space even when she hasn't had any time for herself in a long while, cooks, cleans, has a great sense of humor and a curvy body.

She eats clean foods and exercises regularly. he says she doesn't take care of herself. She gave birth less than two years ago. I've been very cordial the last few times I have seen him at their house, but I really want to slap him as hard as I can and tell him to wake up. Are you crazy??? If I was a guy, I WOULD WANT TO MARRY HER! If it was kosher to leave my children to non-family in the instance of my untimely death, I would leave them to her in a heartbeat!

But no, he is in contact with a woman in another country who is already married but in an open relationship and he's going to meet her somewhere to have sex. He is going to break apart his family and force his kids to have divorced parents so he can have sex with someone who will never be his.

Which brings me to my point.

Sometimes, no matter how good we are, it's not enough for someone else.

But that doesn't mean we're not enough.

It means that person doesn't find us enough.

That's very different from us not being enough.

It doesn't hurt any less to know that you made a vow to love someone no matter what and they aren't keeping to that same vow. It frickin' hurts a lot. It hurts like hell. It breaks you open.

But if you've ever seen a crack in the ground, you know that beautiful things can grow up through those spaces. Like a seed that splits in two, amazing things can emerge.

We can't make people love us, and we can't prevent them from falling out of love with us. We can't make the pain stop. But we can stop blaming ourselves.

Sometimes it is our fault, when we are emotionally abusive, when we take advantage of the love we have, when we crush it because we're afraid to trust it.

But sometimes we do the best we can as human beings and the reasons we are given for the loss of love have nothing to do with us at all.

"“A man who wants to make a relationship work will move mountains to keep the
woman he loves”

“Let’s start with this statistic: You are delicious. Be brave, my sweet. I know you can get lonely. I know you can crave companionship and sex and love so badly that it physically hurts. But I truly believe that the only way you can find out that there’s something better out there is to first believe there’s something better out there. What other choice is there?”
― Greg Behrendt, He's Just Not That Into You

Hormone Birth Control Inhibits Ovulation, Implantation, Sperm Happiness, or All Three

2011-12-14T02:43:00.000-07:00

Birth control is on my mind for two reasons. One, a mama in one of my Facebook groups said she didn't like her IUD because it inhibited implantation, not conception, and she felt like she was miscarrying every month. :-( The other is because Mitt Romney supports legislation that states a life begins at conception, and then had no clue that this meant that many forms of birth control would be made illegal. I'm not making this up, you can see a video of it here, complete with awesome snark from Rachel Maddow:

Anywho, I couldn't find any one source that listed which birth control does what, so I am compiling everything I find here in one blog post.

IUDs
"How do intrauterine devices work?

The progesterone intrauterine device releases a constant low dose of a synthetic hormone continually throughout the day. Both the progesterone IUD and copper IUD prevent pregnancy in one of two ways:

The released progesterone or copper creates changes in the cervical mucus and inside the uterus that kills sperm or makes them immobile.
Changes the lining of the uterus, preventing implantation should fertilization occur."

Source: http://www.americanpregnancy.org/preventingpregnancy/iud.html

Birth Control Pills
"The pill contains the hormones estrogen and progestin. It is taken daily to keep the ovaries from releasing an egg. The pill also causes changes in the lining of the uterus and the cervical mucus to keep the sperm from joining the egg."
Source: www.womenshealth.gov

"What Are Mini Pills?

These are pills that contain only one hormone (progestin). They do not contain estrogen and may be prescribed in women who are breastfeeding or in women who experience nausea with estrogen.

How Do Mini Pills Work?

Mini pills work by thickening the cervical mucus so the sperm cannot reach the egg. The hormone in the pills also changes the lining of the uterus, so that implantation of a fertilized egg is much less likely to occur. In some cases, mini pills stop ovulation (the release of an egg). A pill is taken every day."

Source:http://www.webmd.com/sex/birth-control/birth-control-pills

The patch

"Also called by its brand name, Ortho Evra, this skin patch is worn on the lower abdomen, buttocks, outer arm, or upper body. It releases the hormones progestin and estrogen into the bloodstream to stop the ovaries from releasing eggs in most women. It also thickens the cervical mucus, which keeps the sperm from joining with the egg."

Source: www.womenshealth.gov

Shot/injection
"The birth control shot often is called by its brand name Depo-Provera. With this method you get injections, or shots, of the hormone progestin in the buttocks or arm every 3 months. A new type is injected under the skin. The birth control shot stops the ovaries from releasing an egg in most women. It also causes changes in the cervix that keep the sperm from joining with the egg."
Source: www.womenshealth.gov

Vaginal ring
"This is a thin, flexible ring that releases the hormones progestin and estrogen. It works by stopping the ovaries from releasing eggs. It also thickens the cervical mucus, which keeps the sperm from joining the egg."
Source: www.womenshealth.gov

Voila. If the belief that life begins at conception, not implantation, is important to you, and you need or want birth control, you will want to choose a hormonal birth control that contains both estrogen and progestin and skip IUDs and the Mini Pill.

Protect Your Baby Boys, Mamas!!!!!

2011-12-13T14:47:00.000-07:00

Happy 12th Anniversary, BABY!!!

2011-12-04T21:55:00.000-07:00

Unfinished

2011-12-01T05:08:00.001-07:00

I recently counted over 10 unfinished crochet, weaving, and sewing projects, with two more started just this week. Combined with my unfinished novel that I stalled at 221 pages, and its sequel that I got 30 pages into, several homeschool projects left incomplete, and an office I cleared out and organized just two boxes short of "done," and it has become apparent to me that I have a serious fear of completing things.

My instinct is that if I complete something, then I run the risk of having it judged as "not good" and "insufficient," and as long as projects remain unfinished, I am safe from judgment.

My old therapist would have me write out this fear, and then come up with evidence of why this isn't true.

Unfortunately, I have many example of it being completely true, of throwing my whole heart and soul into something and having it be completely inadequate and inferior.

This is why I hate therapy.

It always made me more depressed instead of less. Nothing like validating your fears...

So here I am, trying to go back to school. I say trying because now instead of a good mother or a good student (I got straight A's my first year of college so many years ago), I am now a half-assed mother and a half-assed student. I'm tired all the time, I don't always gets my homework finished, and I don't spend the amount of time with my children that I used to.

When I put more effort into studying, my children suffer. I spent this last week trying to put in more effort with my children, and my homework suffered.

To all you single mamas out there who went back to school and did it all, I solute you. The sacrifices you made amaze me.

I wasted a lot of unmedicated years that I could have spent finishing school and gaining marketable skills before I was finally able to conceive Connor. Years I could have perfected my own crafting skills, and worked at what was an awesome earning capacity before I fell apart. I wish I could have found the right treatment sooner, and that Social Security didn't make me take them to court and fight for 3 years to finally get my benefits and medical help. I wish I had been able to put more things in order before my children came so that I wouldn't be frantically trying to balance children and school right now out of fear that if something ever happens to Bryan I won't be able to support my family.

I know I'm not the only one who has looked at her life in her mid-thirties and thought, this was NOT how it was supposed to be.

But, it is.

I look around me, where I live, how I spend my time, how my body has changed, what I own, what I know, what I've experienced in the last 36 years of my life, and then I curl up with my children in our shared bed, and they tell me they love me, and I wish so deeply that the love was all we needed, that love would keep us warm, that love would pay the rent and feed us healthy foods and give us dental care. I wish love and peace were all anyone needed.

Well, everyone I gave sections of my book to ended up either not liking it or simply losing interest, the pattern I put on Etsy sold once and I never got feedback on it, my kids never play with any of the crochet toys I make them, and I'm getting a B instead of an A in biology because I turn my homework in late and not because I don't know the material. I want to be okay with this somehow. I want to let go of the need to be awesome in all things and call it "good enough." I don't know how to do this. Probably most of us don't.

More importantly, whatever baggage I have with me now that I should have thrown out years ago, I want to raise my children without this baggage. I want them to know that being second or third is still wonderful, that we can be happy for people who excel at the things we love, and that falling short of our goal despite putting in all our effort does not change our value as people.

I want them to believe they are valuable simply because they exist, because I wish I believed that.

My value is not changed when I become more productive, despite what politicians say. My value does not change when I under-perform others, or even perform under my own past abilities.

As a human being, I have value. I do not have to earn this value by obeying certain rules or competing for certain rewards. It is not something I have to prove. My capacity for compassion is greater than my capacity for resentment or contempt. I am worth more than what others may tell me I am worth, and loveable even when the people closest to me treat me as though I am not. When I am slighted or overlooked and put second, it is not a true measure of me.

And that is a lesson I want to learn. Words I want to believe. And beliefs I want my children to have.

SIDS: The Latest Research on How Sleeping With Your Baby is Safe

2011-11-18T04:27:00.000-07:00

by Dr. Sears

"...During the 8-year period of this study, about 34,000 total cases of SIDS occurred in the U.S. (around 4250 per year). If 65 cases of non-SIDS accidental death occurred each year in a bed, and about 4250 cases of actual SIDS occurred overall each year, then the number of accidental deaths in an adult bed is only 1.5% of the total cases of SIDS....

Now the U.S. Consumer Product Safety Commission and the Juvenile Products Manufacturer's Association are launching a campaign based on research data from 1999, 2000, and 2001. During these three years, there have been 180 cases of non-SIDS accidental deaths occurring in an adult bed. Again, that's around 60 per year, similar to statistics from 1990 to 1997. How many total cases of SIDS have occurred during these 3 years? Around 2600 per year. This decline from the previous decade is thought to be due to the "back to sleep" campaign - educating parents to place their babies on their back to sleep. So looking at the past three years, the number of non-SIDS accidental deaths is only 2% of the total cases of SIDS.

A conflict of interest? Who is behind this new national campaign to warn parents not to sleep with their babies? In addition to the USCPSC, the Juvenile Products Manufacturers Association (JPMA) is co-sponsoring this campaign. The JPMA? An association of crib manufacturers. This is a huge conflict of interest. Actually, this campaign is exactly in the interest of the JPMA.

...Here are some ways to educate parents on how to sleep safely with their baby:"

READ THE FULL ARTICLE HERE

Tigger Was Breastfed

2011-10-31T20:35:00.000-07:00

"Wall Street Isn't Winning – It's Cheating"

2011-10-26T23:06:00.000-07:00

""I find the one thing [the protesters] have in common revolves around the human emotions of envy and entitlement," he said. "What you have is more than what I have, and I'm not happy with my situation."

Cain seems like a nice enough guy, but I nearly blew my stack when I heard this. When you take into consideration all the theft and fraud and market manipulation and other evil shit Wall Street bankers have been guilty of in the last ten-fifteen years, you have to have balls like church bells to trot out a propaganda line that says the protesters are just jealous of their hard-earned money.

Think about it: there have always been rich and poor people in America, so if this is about jealousy, why the protests now? The idea that masses of people suddenly discovered a deep-seated animus/envy toward the rich – after keeping it strategically hidden for decades – is crazy.

....

And we hate the rich? Come on. Success is the national religion, and almost everyone is a believer. Americans love winners. But that's just the problem. These guys on Wall Street are not winning – they're cheating. And as much as we love the self-made success story, we hate the cheater that much more.

In this country, we cheer for people who hit their own home runs – not shortcut-chasing juicers like Bonds and McGwire, Blankfein and Dimon.

That's why it's so obnoxious when people say the protesters are just sore losers who are jealous of these smart guys in suits who beat them at the game of life. This isn't disappointment at having lost. It's anger because those other guys didn't really win. And people now want the score overturned."

READ THE WHOLE ARTICLE HERE

The Magical America Where Everyone Has One Job

2011-10-22T01:45:00.000-07:00

I just left this as a comment on someone's facebook post.

"The poor want to work, and they want to earn enough to live without needing help. There are 6 applicants for EVERY OPEN JOB in America. THERE ARE MORE UNEMPLOYED PEOPLE THAN JOB OPENINGS. That is a fact, and accusing the poor of being lazy or leeches is unfair and completely false. Welfare is degrading and does not cover all the bills. And last I checked, no family in America can pay for food and rent on $7.25 an hour, and if a poor parent works two jobs, that's another person's one job who must now go unemployed. This is basic math, and blaming the poor for being whiny or ungrateful ignores the actual facts and is just an excuse to turn a blind eye to real problems."

I then posted this as my status update:

"You know what? I am at the point where I AM angry at you, DO judge you, and DO NOT want to read your links or updates if you are going to start blaming the poor for their state. Bryan has applied to at least 4 jobs, sometimes as many as 10, every week for 4-1/2 months now. There are more unemployed people in America than there are job openings. THAT IS A FACT. Bryan has even applied for warehouse jobs. No one has even called him for an interview. THE POOR WANT TO WORK. The rich don't want to pay living wages so have been hiring by the thousands overseas. People who need two jobs to pay their bills take away jobs from someone who has no job at all. If you really think this isn't true, then FUCK YOU, and unfriend me."

I know how much easier it is to dismiss all the protestors as trust fund kids with nothing better to do. I know for years it's been popular for people to be bitter about welfare because of the one family or relative they know who cheats the system and doesn't seem to want to do better for themselves. I know the welfare queen who just keeps having babies so she doesn't have to "get a real job" is the poster child for conservative outrage. I know people like to brag about how they pulled themselves up by their boot straps, worked while they went to a state college, joined the military to afford college, never asked anyone for anything, and all the other stories coming out of people who are against the wall street protests, completely oblivious to what they just said - the military is paid for with TAXES, state colleges are affordable because of STATE TAX SUBSIDIES, and anyone who went to a public school was educated entirely with public funds.

Nobody I know likes living off of welfare. NOBODY. Nobody I know wants to rich to not be rich anymore. Nobody I know wants to punish people who succeed in business. The people I know who are on welfare, including us, just want to take care ourselves. We want a safe place to live, food in the fridge, and medical care for our kids when we need it. We want clothes to wear and we want to be able to fix the car when it breaks. We want to turn the heat on in winter when it gets so cold that we can see our own breath indoors. A job that pays $7.25 an hour will not cover these basic. It brings in about $1200 a month with full time work. Please show me a single person who can live well on that, let alone a family. But we'll take it. Get someone to call Bryan back. We'll take it. Get him an interview. Sure, he has a Master's Degree. He's been advised to actually leave that off his resume if he wants employers to call him back. That promise that if we got a good education, we'd get better pay and good jobs? Totally awesome. He has the masters degree. We now have thousands of dollars in student loans to show for it. And Target won't even call him back.

I've been accused of thinking the world owes me something. I've been accused of wanting something for nothing. I've been accused by family members who don't live near me and know very little about me that my views are bitter, or whiny, or lazy, or selfish. It hurts. But I know it isn't true. I know it isn't true about me, and I know it isn't true about most poor people.

What I do know is math.

As of August 2011, there were 3.1 job openings in America, and approximately 14 million unemployed people. 9.3 million people working part time jobs but need and are looking for full time jobs.

If you can read that and still blame poor people for not having a work ethic, then you are an idiot.

THE JOBS ARE NOT THERE. You see job openings around you. I see them. They get to be picky because there are lots of people to choose from. Why hire Bryan when they can probably hire someone less educated who isn't looking for better work? Why hire Bryan to work in a pet store when they probably have people who have managed pet stores before? Why hire my single mama friend to be a library page at minimum wage when there is probably a pool of desperate workers who already have library experience?

There is no magical fantasy Republican America where there are plenty of jobs for people willing to work. It isn't there. Over the last few years thousands of more jobs have been moved overseas because major corporations will do whatever it takes to pay people $3.00 an hour instead of $7.25. They don't want American workers who want a living wage, and they don't want to pay taxes to American workers who can't earn enough to live without help. It's a maddening circle, and all the while the gap between rich and poor gets wider, CEO pay increases exponentially, and we're called whiners because we have a fridge and don't live in a box. Well, without disability benefits, we would be living in a box.

I'm not looking for a handout. I'm looking for jobs. And in the meantime, we're blessed to have that handout. Without it, we'd be homeless. That's not me thinking the world owes me something. That's me crying my eyes out. And we don't have a fridge. Our landlord does. We get to borrow it while we live here.

If you think the poor are poor because they didn't work hard enough, don't have a work ethic, didn't get the right education, or whatever other fantasy you've made up for yourself, then stop reading my blog, stop being my friend on facebook, and stop being in my life. Because if you think these things about the poor, then you think these things about my family. You think these things about my friends. You think these things about me.

Occupy Wall Street In Under One Minute

2011-10-19T12:21:00.002-07:00

Everyone watch this, and then spread it everywhere, start to finish. YES. This is exactly it.

Magic Umbilical Cords, by elfanie

2011-10-16T18:26:00.000-07:00

http://www.nurturingheartsbirthservices.com

"Umbilical cords have two arteries and a vein that run the length of it. Those three vessels are surrounded by a special substance called Wharton’s Jelly. This jelly is thick and gelatinous when functinoal – this is to prevent the baby from accidentally causing it to kink and stop functioning (even true knots in the cord rarely cause problems because the Wharton’s Jelly prevents it from being able to tighten down and occlude blood flow to baby!)

When baby is born, this cord continues to function, providing the baby with not only blood and oxygen – but providing baby TIME! Time to transition to air breathing, experiencing the changes that babies go through at birth. As long as that cord is pulsing, it’s working for the baby the exact same way it did before the baby came out.

Once baby’s breathing and the cord is no longer needed, it goes through its own transformation. The Wharton’s Jelly in the cord begins to liquify…tightening down on those vessels…clamping them off naturally. The cord slowly becomes thin, white, limp – dramatic changes from the thick purple pulsing entity it was when the baby was born!

Not clamping or cutting the cord until this transformation has occurred provides the baby with the benefit of extra blood, oxygen, gentleness and time!"

CLICK HERE TO READ MORE

SURVEY: Why Do You No Longer Believe That The LDS Church is the True Church?

2011-10-13T17:16:00.000-07:00

This link is to a survey created by an active LDS friend of mine, John Dehlin. I took the survery and was as honest as possible. If you were once actively LDS and no longer believe that the LDS Church is the only true church on earth, please take just a few minutes to respond to this anonymous survey.

CLICK HERE TO TAKE THE SURVEY

Occupy Wall Street Protesters Are Parasites

2011-10-13T15:17:00.000-07:00

"Smugglers of the Labyrinth"

2011-10-08T12:47:00.000-07:00

Never, before today, has the true purpose of t-shirts been realized. Behold the greatest article of clothing I have ever laid eyes on.

That's right. That is Jareth as Han Solo and Ludo as Chewbacca. Here is THE LINK. With what do I tag this? I don't have a tag for "greatest thing ever." Until now. Behold, a new tag!

Birthing in Zion: A directory of LDS birth workers

2011-10-06T19:38:00.001-07:00

Pass this link along!!!

http://www.ldswave.org/?p=979

"There was a time in LDS history when women were called and set apart as the ward midwife to serve their sisters. As the overarching American culture (the cultural context of the early LDS church) turned away from midwifery and homebirth and toward the hospital, this official calling fell by the wayside and faded out of use.

However, woman-to-woman birth support is experiencing a resurgence as women around the world are realizing that the need has not faded for a birthing woman to feel supported and understood not only physically and mentally, but spiritually as well during pregnancy, birth and postpartum. Many LDS women are discovering that the Spirit is leading them to birth work and pregnant and birthing LDS women have expressed interest in finding birth workers who share their religious beliefs.

With this in mind, we have created Birthing in Zion, a resource list of LDS midwives, doulas, obstetricians, gynecologists, childbirth educators, lactation specialists & consultants, and other birth workers. Our purpose is to provide a centralized venue where those wanting a care provider who understands their spiritual needs can come to find what they need."

Inspiration For Your School Day

2011-10-06T01:39:00.001-07:00

William Torrey Harris, the U.S. Commissioner of Education from 1889-1906:

“The great purpose of school can be realized better in dark, airless, ugly places…. It is to master the physical self, to transcend the beauty of nature. School should develop the power to withdraw from the external world.”

“Ninety-nine [students] out of a hundred are automata, careful to walk in prescribed paths, careful to follow the prescribed custom. This is not an accident but the result of substantial education, which, scientifically defined, is the subsumption of the individual.”

“Our schools have been scientifically designed to prevent over-education from happening. The average American [should be] content with their humble role in life, because they’re not tempted to think about any other role.”

...the natural weaning age for humans is between two and seven years...

2011-09-27T22:58:00.000-07:00

"As recommended by the World Health Organization (WHO), breastfeeding should ideally continue beyond infancy, but this is not the cultural norm in the United States and requires ongoing support and encouragement. (1)

It is estimated that the natural weaning age for humans is between two and seven years. (2)

Family physicians should be knowledgeable regarding the ongoing benefits to the child of extended breastfeeding, including continued immune protection, (3) better social adjustment, (4) and having a sustainable food source in times of emergency." - The American Academy of Family Physicians 2008 Position Paper on breastfeeding.

Read the full article by CLICKING HERE

A Daddy's View On Attachment Parenting

2011-09-25T13:18:00.000-07:00

My awesome Bryan posted an article today and then left a comment that made me all warm and fuzzy inside. I am LUCKY and BLESSED to have a partner who shares my parenting values.

Bryan Terry via Sharon West
If a monkey is smart enough to babywear without suffocating the little one, you can too. After all, you're smarter than a monkey, aren't you?

Warning After Newborn Dies In Baby Sling

uk.news.yahoo.com

Parents have been warned about the dangers of carrying babies in slings after the death of a newborn child in South Australia.

· · Share · 8 hours ago · Privacy:

- Bryan Terry I love baby wearing, especially as a father it gives me an opportunity to bond with my kiddos when they are very young. There has never been any concern about one of them dying ... if you take some VERY basic precautions, babywearing is a much better alternative.
  
  I honestly think that all these warnings come from stroller and baby-bucket manufacturers who are mad you are wearing your baby rather than carting them around in the removable carseat baby bucket or a designer stroller.
  
  Whenever I'm babywearing and I see a parent carting around the baby bucket and a thousand other things (its usually a mother with an oblivious husband, or with a passel of other kids) I feel bad for them. Babies aren't that complicated. You don't need a detachable bucket or stroller: get a sling. You don't need a bottle and all its accoutrements (generally speaking, there are exceptions): breastfeed. Use cloth diapers as opposed to spending hundreds a month of disposables; cosleep, don't get a crib and electronic monitoring devices.
  
  Babies thrive on interaction and modern parenthood has devised millions of ways to remove that interaction and place a(n) [usually expensive] intermediary device between parents and babies, typically to satisfy a parent's vanity.
  8 hours ago · · 2 people

I Am Now On Pinterest

2011-09-23T00:14:00.001-07:00

Pinterest is a virtual board for "pinning" pictures you find online much like you might pin something to a cork board. It's like a giant personalized catalog. I freakin' love catalogs.

So, if you go CLICK HERE you can see my boards. I have 18 of them. If you like this blog, you'll like my Pinterest stuff. Unless you don't like pictures. In which case, you're weird. Also, you won't like my Pinterest page.

Playing With Color Palette Generator

2011-09-19T02:49:00.000-07:00

You can play too by CLICKING HERE. You post the URL for your image by right-clicking on it and selecting View Image, then plug that address into the generator. Caution: Addictive.

lol jk!

2011-09-18T02:48:00.000-07:00

Source: I Can Has Boobahs

A Montessori/Waldorf-y Blog You Should Read Right Now

2011-09-18T01:09:00.000-07:00

Okay, so, first of all, it was fun making my little newsletter, but out of 80 subscribers and 130 blog followers on blogger, I got feedback from about 5 people, so, forget it, I'm not doing it. It's too time consuming for that little lovin'. So, I'll just post things as I come across them.

I came across an awesome Montessori blog that has, among other things, a calendar system a lot like the one I just set up, the exact same play dough recipe we use, and a post about making her own butter. I want everyone to know that I am not copying her. She just happens to have some of my more awesome qualities. (wink, wink). Also, she takes better pictures. My camera sucks and I have no photography skills, and I am convinced that this is why I don't have thousands of followers, and not because I am abrasive and post only infrequently.

Get to the blog, already!

Counting Coconuts (CLICK HERE) has this going on:

Free Printables including a few nomenclature cards and some calendar awesomeness.

Lego Math ideas.

This homemade calendar that includes moon phases and a prayer-of-the-day, which is a brilliant idea I may steal with inspirational quotes.

Also, knitting, a nature table, arts and crafts, theme units, and a brand new delicious baby to coo over. I'd post a picture of the baby but that's really creepy to post pictures of strangers' babies on your blog.

Do Not Feed The Trolls: A Public Service Announcement

2011-09-13T03:57:00.002-07:00

And finally, a reminder for myself:

For Attachment Parenting Christians

2011-09-13T01:02:00.000-07:00

I have tremendous admiration and a bit of jealousy for people who truly live a religion of peace. I was not able to find peace through Christianity, but a lot of people have, and through it they have generally happy homes and approach parenting with the gentleness and creativity that marked Christ's life.

If you are Christian and trying to create a home based on Attachment Parenting and Natural Family Living, you might find these resources helpful. I find them inspirational, myself.

I would also like to apologize for sometimes coming off anti_Christian. While it is true that nobody is perfect, I do take umbrage with people who do cruel things in the name of Christ. At best this is a misunderstanding of Christ's teachings and at worse hypocrisy calculated to bring fame, power and ill-gotten gain.

Aside from those who are shouting hate in the name of someone decidedly un-hateful, are those who are striving for meekness, humility, patience, and compassion. I solute those parents no matter which religion they belong to or philosophy they embrace.

A Note: I am not necessarily endorsing any of these resources, though I do subscribe to some of the blogs and follow GCM on facebook. It is up to each person to do their own sleuthing and determine if a resource speaks to them or not. I have not reviewed them all in depth for potential hate speech - if I have listed a resource here that is aggressively racist, anti-gay, anti-one religion instead of pro-their own, or otherwise non in line with gentle Christianity, let me know and I'll remove it. I respect that most conservative religions are against many of the things I am for, but it is my hope and expectation that these particular groups and bloggers conduct themselves compassionately.

Gentle Christian Mothers

Facebook Page: CLICK HERE

Website: CLICK HERE

"Gentle Christian Mothers™ (GCM) was born out a desire to help unite mothers who believe that God has given mamas a mothering instinct and whose hearts' desire is to nurture our children gently. GCM is a safe place to grow and learn along with other like-minded mothers who love the Lord. Sometimes we feel alone in our parenting choices, and sometimes we get weary and need support. We hope and pray that you will find helpful information, support, and encouragement at GCM."

The Crunchy Mormon Forum

Facebook Page: CLICK HERE

Link To The Google Group: CLICK HERE

Apparently 8 of my AP mama friends are in this group.

Naturalldsmoms Yahoo! Group

CLICK HERE

"A place for natural LDS mothers to talk about motherhood and the challenges of raising their children with good values in today's society. We cover many different topics, although most conversation does lean towards young motherhood.

This list is for WOMEN ONLY, and is PRO-LDS. No Flaming, Bashing or Spaming allowed here! We are here to share our knowledge and learn from each other. This is also a support group where we want to feel comfortable posting, so by subscribing to this list you are agreeing that "if you can't say anything nice, you won't say anything at all". You don't have to practice all natural parenting styles as mentioned here, but you need to be supportive of others who do.

There are many places to find support for other parenting styles, but it is important to us that this group be a haven for those of us who are making different choices. Therefore, within this group, we ask that you each show TOLERANCE, PATIENCE, LOVE, HUMILITY, and ACCEPTANCE in your posts. We believe that each family must make their own choices, but within this group we are here in general to SUPPORT those who attachment parent, use gentle discipline, homebirth, co-sleep, homeschool, babywear, breastfeed, use herbal or homeopathic medicine, do not circumcise, delay or do not vaccinate, and/or eat vegetarian, vegan, or traditional diets (like WAP).

It is not uncommon for 'hot topics' to come up, but we will not debate them here: those who wish to have debates about these topics, please join NaturalLDSMoms_Debate at http://groups.yahoo.com/group/nldsm_debate/

Please note that since we ARE an LDS list, there will be NO bashing/negativity or speculation concerning LDS doctrine, leaders, etc. Genuine questions or concerns are always welcome.

Our scripture study blog: http://enduring-to-the-end.blogspot.com/"

Arms of Love Family Fellowship

Facebook Page: CLICK HERE

Website: CLICK HERE

"The Arms of Love Family Fellowship, founded by Crystal Lutton, is a ministry devoted to mentoring moms and dads in a positive discipline approach called Grace Based Discipline. This method has demonstrated success with people with special needs, large groups of children and one-on-one situations, with short term and long term results...

To further our purpose of promoting Grace Based Discipline (GBD), Arms of Love Family Fellowship is also working to be a child and family advocacy group. We have held local events for National SpankOut Day and are encouraging pro-family and pro-child legislation that will benefit GBD-minded families, though we are in no way a political or official lobbying group. We support Attachment Parenting ideas as being the most relationship-forming practices for mothering babies, though GBD can be embraced by anyone regardless of their personal choices in parenting babies."

ARTICLES

Train Up a Child in the Way He Should Go...

So many religious "experts" now offer inflexible childrearing advice. But can any of us truly know God's will? And which do you trust: your teacher or your heart?

"As a mother comforts her child, so will I comfort you." - Isaiah 66:13

By William Sears, M.D.

For full article, CLICK HERE

"As a pediatrician, Christian, and father of eight children, I would like to reassure all worried parents who find themselves asking, "Will I be a good parent? Will I be able to raise a godly child?" God would not give you a child without also giving you the ability and means to raise that child. He would never give you a child with, for example, a temperament that you couldn't handle. This would violate the very concept of "creator." God, as creator, designed within every mother and father the necessary tools to parent each individual child.

The key to compassionate, successful Christian parenting is simply to discover your tools and use them according to the plan that God has for you and your child. This may be a different plan than your neighbor's or anyone else's in your church. That's fine. Just trust in the concept of creator and know that within you He has put the tools to become an expert on your baby."

Frugal Granola: Christian Attachment Parenting

For Full Article CLICK HERE

"Even before we knew of the term “attachment parenting,” apparently, that is what we were doing.

In Dr. Dobson’s book “Seven Solutions for Burned Out Parents,” he reminisces about his own childhood. He describes the memory of living in a one-bedroom home with his parents, and sleeping in a little bed next to theirs at night. When he would awake in the night, needing reassurance in the dark, his dad would simply hold out his hand to hold, allowing him to fall back asleep- comforted. In essence, he describes this experience as mirroring to our children the “accessibility” of Christ.

As a Christ-follower and a parent, I desire for my children to yearn for God’s voice, to call out to Him, and to know that we serve the God Who Sees. As we give Him our lives, He is always there, offering us Himself."

BLOGS

Progressive Pioneer

Website: CLICK HERE

"Sometimes the most progressive ideas are the oldest and simplest, the ones that took place 100 years ago, when no one saw anything revolutionary about them at all. Today there are so many parenting options, so many ways to feed, clothe and care for our children. Many spring from media moguls and business tycoons, others are born in laboratories and research centers. In the midst of all these high tech, color coordinated, safety tested, pediatrician recommended options, the most radical choice can be to simply say, “No thanks.”

When we trust our intuition, and look within, rather than to external sources for the answers, we will often find that the simplest solutions are best. Why feed our babies deconstructed, vitamin-fortified, puffed cereals when we can simply cook up some nice, hot oatmeal, vitamins all intact? Do we really need an entire car seat/carrier/stroller system that makes it entirely possible to go hours at a time without ever touching your baby? Hold that sweet babe tight to your breast, wrapped in a simple cloth as millions of mothers have done before! The latest parenting books urge us to let our babies “cry it out,” when every cell in our body tells us to fold them into our arms and soothe them to sleep. Listen to your body! Forget the cribs, the baby food, the play pens. We women have been doing this for eons. Choose to follow the examples of our pioneer forbears; live simply, live close to the earth and close to your loved ones.

There is a line of reasoning called Occam's razor that states that when faced with multiple theories, the simplest answer is usually the correct one. So it is with mothering, and life in general. When all the world is turning to the latest gadget, the latest expert advice, the latest health fad, we can pioneer the way back to our roots, back to simplicity."

Passionate Homemaking

Facebook Page: CLICK HERE

Website: CLICK HERE

"As referred to in our byline, I want to live an intentional, purposeful, God-centered, mission-minded lifestyle. My hope is to use this blog to inspire women to be intentional in every action in their homes – to cultivate strong relationships with our family and others, inspire our children to love and serve the Lord, pursue joyful homemaking, being good stewards of the earth, and opening our homes to minister to the lost and needy around us. I like to call it “missional” living or missional homemaking. My goal is to encourage us all to ask ourselves in everything we do, from natural living to simple living, to making a home, to making decisions, what has this to do with the goal of glorifying our Lord and furthering His kingdom? That is what I mean by living intentionally. It reminds me afresh of the poem: Only one life, twill soon be past; only what’s done for Christ will last. Let’s labor together to live without reserves or regrets."

The Bee In Your Bonnet

Website: CLICK HERE

Heather is one of my dearest friends on planet earth so actually I do heartily endorse this blog.

"This blog is breastfeeding-friendly. You may breastfeed while reading this blog. You may also breastfeed while not reading this blog. In fact, you don't need my or anybody else's permission ever."

CLICK HERE for her awesome post on modesty and breastfeeding.

The Hippie Housewife

Facebook Page: CLICK HERE

Website: CLICK HERE

"Parenting, natural living, life as a Jesus-follower, and more – all tied together through our journey towards a more intentional life."

Meet The Attached Parents

Website: CLICK HERE

"Trying to bring conservative Christians and feminist attachment parents together"

Hold On To Your Catholic Kids

Website: CLICK HERE

"Catholic Attachment Parenting

A philosophy of parenting modeled after the self-donative love exemplified in the relationship between Mary and Jesus."

"What Is Attachment Parenting."

"Babies and children (as with all human beings) have many physical and emotional needs all falling under the umbrella of their primary need to receive and give unconditional love: food, warmth, touch, security, empathy (emotional safety), autonomy, order, self-control, freedom, self-esteem (a sense that I am lovable and able to love). When these needs are filled in healthy ways children tend to behave as healthy children ought to behave, and their passions are subdued. When these needs are unfilled, their passions are inflamed and they become unruly and uncooperative, in exactly the same way that children do when their hunger for food is left untended. Prolonged deprivation triggers a defensive flight from vulnerability (pride) which can lead to serious habits of vice: rebelliousness, violence, drugs and alcohol, gluttony (and other forms of eating disorders), materialism, backbiting, loss of the sense of modesty, sin and the sacred; sexual licentiousness and perversion; sloth, despair and suicide. The deprived become the depraved. (Dr. Neufeld shows in Part II of HOTYK how prolonged attachment void leads to all these evils).

Gentle birthing, extended breastfeeding and giving children freedom within healthy limits to make their own food choices; holding or wearing your baby as much as he wants and as you are able; ensuring safe sleep emotionally and physically, i.e., co-sleeping or bed-sharing; avoiding separations and providing consistent loving care when they're unavoidable; responding with sensitivity; positive and gentle discipline which seeks to identify and fill the underlying need to re-establish equilibrium and only afterward to solicit cooperation (in the spirit of the words of St. John of the Cross, "Where there is no love, put love and you will find love."), rather than inflicting the suffering of deprivation, i.e. negative discipline: withdrawing physical comfort (spanking), affection (glaring, yelling, etc.), admiration and sense of self-worth (shaming), proximity (isolation in time-out), etc., in order to forcefully modify behavior; and balance--interior and exterior--balanced parents and balanced environment--all work together to provide for the child's needs, and at the same time help parents to become more virtuous people. A Trinitarian relationship is born in which parents, acting as intermediaries of God's grace, give the unconditional love and acceptance the child needs to grow in virtue so that he can eventually return that love. In turn, parents unconditionally accept the child's attempts to love, providing him with encouragement, hope, and a sense of power, autonomy and self-worth. A mutually sanctifying cycle of giving and receiving unconditional love is initiated and the Blessed Trinity is enthroned in our hearts and in our relationships. The feeling of being felt that is the hallmark of the secure attachment is none other than the awareness of the Presence of the Blessed Trinity "incarnated" in our mutual, self-sacrificing love for one another, "Where two or more are gathered in my name, there am I in their midst."

When children's needs are filled, they can remain at peace--at rest, as opposed to in flight from their vulnerability (a.k.a. "flight from suffering," "fear of the Cross"). It is only in this peaceful rest (in Christ--in a Trinitarian relationship) that human beings can grow physically, emotionally and spiritually. Moments of unrest and strife which are unavoidable in this life are easily weathered, and calm is quickly restored."

It's Fun To Take Shots At People With Chemical Imbalances

2011-09-12T13:59:00.000-07:00

I've been in a minor tiff with a troll these last couple of days that I have found quite amusing. Apparently she was getting frustrated that I wasn't taking the bait, so she decided to poke fun at my attempted suicide ten years ago.

I like to keep most of my dirty laundry either on the original post or private on facebook, but now I want the world to know Ellery's true colors.

Here is a copy of the entire conversation, found on my blog post "No, Actually, You Did Not Turn Out Okay." And to Ellery, yeah you win this round. You got me. You did in fact hurt my feelings.

To my readers, I do not advocate stooping to her level and leaving comments on her blog. If you have any support to offer, leave it here on mine. If you agree with her, then by all means, let her know. Her blog is pretty quiet.

And for the rest of you, ask yourselves why the most peaceful and caring people I know are atheists. Ask that question long and hard.

Ellery said...: You have such a hateful blog. You seem to think that not vaccinating your children is ok. Apparently, spreading diseases across our country is ok with you. While I may vaccinate my child, helping to eradicate such diseases, you choose to let your children, who will probably end up with autism anyway (because obviously you're on *that* bandwagon) expose my children to and spread or even die from diseases because of your ignorance. You say that circumcised boys have no choice in the matter, which is true, but children of dumbass parents who don't vaccinate don't have a choice either. Also, by homeschooling your children, you are cutting them off from social interaction. And don't tell me that they hang out with other homeschooled children, because none of them are social either. Furthermore, you speak about taking a sleeping baby through airport security in a car seat and how inconvenient it is. Apparently you haven't been through airport security recently or you would realize that even if your baby is in a sling, you still have to remove the baby from the sling, take the sling off your person and run it through the xray machine and walk through the machine yourself before putting the sling and baby back on your person. Lastly, you have a flowchart for circumcision saying that a parent should not circumcise their sons. You go on to say that boys are unknowingly losing the 5 most sensitive areas of their penis when they lose their foreskin. If they don't know what they're missing, then it shouldn't be an issue, right? Right. Believe me, you don't want to get me started on breastfeeding in public...
September 08, 2011 2:44 PM
alisaterry said...: You agree that children do not have a choice in circumcision. Other than that, nothing you said is based on fact or science. Not even the airport security thing, which we did a few months ago - you only have to take the sling off if you don't want to do a pat down.Come back when you have facts.
September 08, 2011 5:46 PM
Ellery said...: You just can't accept when others are right and you are wrong. You don't have scientific findings either. Jenny McCarthy and her bullshit about autism and vaccines being related isn't science. She was a Playboy girl.Bite me.
September 08, 2011 6:22 PM
alisaterry said...: "Either?" So you admit you have no real facts, then?
September 08, 2011 8:09 PM
Ellery said...: I'd be happy to give you scientific backings, but *I* didn't write the blog post. I was simply commenting.You're welcome to your opinion about how to raise your children, as am I. However, when your parenting (or mine) affects other children, it goes beyond individual opinion.
September 09, 2011 11:09 AM
alisaterry said...: coughcoughTROLLcoughcough
September 09, 2011 1:37 PM
Heather from the PNW said...: I will drop off some Troll Spray for you. :) 'Ignorant' is bliss for those who choose to mutilate and pollute their children's bodies. They are the best trolls EVER!!!! So miserable, just love spreading their hate... If they ate organically there would be some fine compost available via "the interwebby". Laughing my fucking ass off and wishing I still was breastfeeding a toddler so I could do it right in the troll's face.
September 09, 2011 9:49 PM
alisaterry said...: (snort) Yeah, this kind of stupid doesn't even merit a response, but the sheer volume of WRONG and IGNORANT was so amusing I couldn't help but actually publish the comments.
September 10, 2011 1:17 AM
Ellery said...: Number 1- I'm not a troll. I just have a valid opinion and you don't have a valid response, so you decide to be immature with your "cough cough" shit.Number 2- At least I am not a coward who tried to take my own life. Only cowards do such things.Number 3- To the person who wanted to give you some "troll spray" I'd like to say the following: I did not "mutilate" my child's body and I'm not sure what makes you think I "pollute" my child's body just because I don't want him getting a disease than can be prevented and to be protected against the children of you crunchy, tree-hugging people that choose to let your foreskin hanging, barefooted, undisciplined, nipple hanging children go unvaccinated, thus spreading diseases which had previously been irradicated by vaccines. We were all vaccinated and damn if we're not all still alive and doing well. And, if you weren't vaccinated, perhaps some disease has gotten in your head. One where you believe it is right to expose other mothers' children to illness.And, btw, when I see mothers in public with their breast exposed, no matter the child's age, I do say something. It is not necessary to pull your tit out for everyone to have to be around. Also, if I see a mother with a child old enough to ask for tit, then I tell the child to grow up and drink milk out of a cup like most other toddlers their age. Children who are breastfed past a certain age are those who become rapists and fetishists.Lastly, actually, I *did* turn out ok. I just happen to have an opinion which doesn't align with yours. And judging from others' comments, I'm not the only one with a differing opinion.
September 12, 2011 12:49 PM
alisaterry said...: I'm publishing your comment just because I think it is important to publicize how fucked up you are.Insulting the mentally ill is one of the most ignorant and low-brow things you can do. You're not a Christian. Christians like you are the reason people like me aren't Christian anymore. You walk around sexualizing mothers and infants, you refuse to offer any actual evidence for any of your claims, and you stalk people who don't agree with you and leave contentious and unsubstantiated bullshit in the comments, and then you go back to your self-righteous blog and congratulate yourself. You are not of Christ. You are of the devil. You can email me all you want but I will not longer be posting your comments. But these are here so everyone can see what a liar you are. Your own blog says formula feeders don't bash breastfeeders, yet here you are. I have never bashed formula feedres, because my sister couldn't make milk so she had to supplement, and because a lot of my friends are adoptive/foster parents. Your blog says churches shouldn't turn away people who only come at Easter because it gives Christians a bad name, yet here you are, degrading people with mood disorders and going out of your way to make sure people's feelings are hurt. If you actually looked at any of my links, you would have to take back what you say about me having no proof. I have doctors, the World Health Organization, peer reviewed medical journals, and even religion on my side. The New Testament says circumcision is no longer necessary in order that Christians may distinguish themselves from non-Christians. And what do you have? Nothing, so you resort to play ground bully tactics with the hopes that no one will notice that you're full of shit.I am copying and pasting everything you have written here. It is forever saved so that anyone who searches for you also knows that your heart is hard, bitter and the exact opposite of Christian.I have over 100 followers here, 130 on my blog reader, and 150 on facebook. You have 4. You want to start influencing people, changing minds, getting people to see your side and walk a mile in your shoes? Take your own advice and start acting Christian.
September 12, 2011 1:50 PM

In Celebration of Survival, And of Purpose

2011-09-11T14:01:00.000-07:00

Those of you who are friends with me on facebook know that the night before the terrorist attacks on the World Trade Center, I attempted to take my own life.

I failed. Obviously.

Every year on this day of remembrance, I also have a day of deep reflection on the purpose of living. MY living. It's a selfish day for me while everyone else is thinking about lost loved ones and screwed up politics and international relations and tired rescue dogs.

What keeps me from trying again? What keeps me from finishing what I started? So many of my dreams have fallen apart. So much of my life is just trying to get through each day, struggling with depression, straightening other people's doormats and crocheting to keep myself from obsessively scratching at myself. My meds that keep me coherent also keep me tired, and I always fall short of what everone else considered is the bare minimum.

Why do I keep going? I don't have religion anymore, so it's not like I have a spiritual sense of "do this to avoid hell and achieve heaven."

We had this discussion on a Mormon group I belong to on Facebook - where do atheists find their motive for doing good? So much of religion relies on the idea that no one would obey laws if there were no consequences for disobeying those laws. Even in the godless religion of Buddhism, there is the concept of rebirth, and karma. Consequences.

Why do I keep living? Now I have children, and they give me so much purpose, but I didn't have children then. It took a few more years until I finally had my Connor.

Why live?

Everyone's answer is going to be different, but this is mine.

In my home, in my circle of friends, in my SPACE, I have influence. We all do. It's not something we have to try and have, like a blog, or a management position. We just have it. We aren't Gods and Goddesses of worlds or even parts of the world, like nature or the ocean. But I am the goddess of my space.

When I take a small pot of dirt and grow flowers in it, I have taken space and made it more beautiful.

When I tell a friend a joke and they laugh, in that moment I have created happiness.

When I picked up a snake winding through the grass and put it in the bushes where it can hide, I have helped preserve a life.

At each moment, I have influence, even if it is just wiping off a table to clean it and make it more beautiful, even if it is just singing and making the sound around me more lovely, even if it is just making a meal and alleviating someone's hunger for that moment.

Now that I have children, my influence is of the utmost importance and is most powerful.

Changing a diaper may be drudgery, but it is of the utmost importance to a baby who cannot change their own diaper. Is there much in life that is more personal and humbling than wiping the excrement off of another human being who cannot do it for themselves?

Society does a good job of cloaking the sacredness of caring for an infant by comparing it to non-comparable things, like running a meeting for which one is paid, or contributing to a large charity which has more clout. We like to assign value to things that bring money and titles. We lose sight of what happens in our own space.

Mormon prophet Brigham young said a lot of things I don't agree with, but as my father said, truth is truth where e'er it may be found. This is truth, from Brigham Young: "You educate a man; you educate a man. You educate a woman; you educate a generation."

I have influence. Wherever I live, whomever I share this life with, what I cook, what I wear, what I write, what I say to people, what I put on my walls, even if I am sitting in one bare spot with nothing else going on in the universe, I inhabit that space, and I have influence in it. If there was nothing else but me, I could sing and make that space beautiful.

And from there, I also have greater purpose.

I write because I am hoping to influence people to minimize the suffering of their children. I write because I hope to influence people to minimize the suffering of the natural world. I write because I hope to influence people to minimize the suffering of workers, of birthing mothers, of the poor, the disabled, the homeless, the elderly, and little baby tapirs.

I write, and talk, and I create, and I hope that small piece by small piece, my being alive is bringing peace and beauty, even if it is just an inch of it, even if it is just a moment of it. Did I make one person laugh? Did I make one person sigh in relief? Did I make one person take pause? Did I actually make one person change their mind?

As long as I am alive, I have influence.

Here is to ten years of surviving an attempt on my own life. Here is to rescuing me. And here is to one more year of leaving even one inch of space better than how I found it.

A Poem About Blackberries

2011-09-07T04:00:00.001-07:00

I would like to help my children start memorizing a poem a month. I wanted to do one about blackberries, since the wild ones all over Bellingham are very ripe and delicious right now, but I couldn't find one online I liked for their age group. So, I wrote one.

Click Here To View In Google Docs

You are welcome to use it if you like it. Just always credit me!

Evenflo Took The Video Down

2011-09-06T21:22:00.000-07:00

From their Facebook page:

Evenflo Baby
We appreciate your feedback and take it seriously. As an organization of moms, sisters, aunts & grandmas, we believe it is important to support all moms’ choices, whether it is to breastfeed, pump, use a bottle or a combination of options. We live breastfeeding every day in our roles here: from product integrity engineers to designers. Our intent in sharing the video was to spark a conversation through lively humor. However, we’ve heard your concerns and have decided to take down this video.
2 hours ago

Can I just say how much the comments from others on the Evenflo page and in the blogosphere make me want to eat some people? That we're over-reacting, that we should all "keep our boobs" to ourselves, anyway, we breastfeeding fanatics should mind our own business...time to listen to some Prince music and get my mind off of the Stupid.

"The ‘working poor’…are in fact the major philanthropists of our society."

2011-09-05T21:51:00.000-07:00

"When someone works for less pay than she can live on…she has made a great sacrifice for you…The ‘working poor’…are in fact the major philanthropists of our society. They neglect their own children so that the children of others will be cared for; they live in substandard housing so that other homes will be shiny and perfect; they endure privation so that inflation will be low and stock prices high. To be a member of the working poor is to be an anonymous donor, a nameless benefactor, to everyone."

Barbara Ehrenreich’s Nickel and Dimed: On (Not) Getting By in America

F*** You, Evenflo!!`

2011-09-05T16:12:00.002-07:00

Evenflo has decided to not only give up on following the World Health Organization's International Code of Marketing of Breastmilk Substitutes, but they have also decided to hate women and start embarrassing them about breastfeeding around other people.

Behold this classy advertisement where this breastfeeding mom listens to grandma pressure her, actually insult her breast size, and roll out the passive-aggressive baby feeding myths until Mom decides to give in to the emotional abuse and pump milk. To add insult to injury, grandpa accidentally puts breastmilk in his coffee, and everyone freaks out and turns up their noses, as though fresh, sweet tasting human milk is disgusting compared to processed milk from an entirely different species.

UPDATE: Evenflo's video now brings up a message that says "This Video is Private."

Apparently, when Evenflo decided to become voluntarily compliant with the WHO code, their sales started to decline. So, now they're starting a new aggressive campaign to cast breastfeeding as socially awkward and downright selfish.

The role of advertising is to make us feel like our lives our better off with the product or service than without. When you have a product that isn't all that necessary, like toilet paper or underwear generally are, then part of your strategy necessarily includes convincing people that they are lacking. You need this shampoo because your hair is wrong, this brand of clothing to be accepted by your peers, this particular toy so that your child isn't left out. Advertising is there to persuade you that you cannot be satisfied, happy, healthy, wanted or accepted without their product or service.

Have you seen that commercial with the kid sad everyday on the school bus until his mother finally loves him enough to buy him Lunchables? Remember the one with the embarrassed homemaker worried about a super-neat mother coming to visit, and when her friend lets her baby down on her fresh clean floor, she knows she bought the right brand of cleaner? The backbone of our economy is the task of keeping everyone uncomfortable and dependent upon the opinions of others.

Evenflo has discovered what other companies already know - a comfortable target demographic means less profits. Doing the ethical thing often means not earning as much. It is time to poke at breastfeeding mothers and erode their confidence in being able to handle previously normal situations without the help of their bottles and breast pump.

Shame on you, Evenflo.

Dear President Barack Obama

2011-09-04T17:38:00.000-07:00

Please do not set aside new air quality standards. My husband has asthma and carried his inhaler with him everywhere he went until we moved from Utah to the west coast. Having clean air has made a tremendous difference in his quality of life.

We can control what we eat and whether we smoke or exercise, but we have absolutely no control over the air. That is where we rely on our government to help regulate those who put profit before the health and lives of regular people. By giving in, you are letting us all down.

The EPA estimates that raising these standards would save 12,000 American lives each year. That is far too wonderful and precious.

Yours truly,

Alisa K. Terry

How You Can Help Me With My Garden

2011-09-02T20:37:00.000-07:00

A big bag of organic compost costs $5.98 at our local co-op. I am selling homemade herbal first-aid sticks in my etsy shop for $4.75 plus shipping/handling. If just one of you blog subscribers, facebook friends or random facebook acquaintances too scared to unfriend me even though you don't like my posts buys just one of my herbal sticks, I can scrounge up the change to make up the rest and get some good compost for my winter garden. I have broccoli, bok choi and leek seeds from Spring all ready to go. Here's THE LINK. You know you want to.

I Am Posting This On My Wall RIGHT NOW

2011-08-28T02:55:00.000-07:00

This is the funniest thing I have ever seen and every time I even think about it I start busting up laughing. I need to post it right on the bathroom mirror so on days like today when I'm pretty sure my kids are the only reason I'm not downing a bottle of whiskey and slitting my wrists, I can drag myself out of bed into the bathroom to pee, look up at this, grow a spine and face the day like a crazed baby chick, unhinged and taking no prisoners.

Anyone Know How To Fix This Bike?

2011-08-27T15:39:00.000-07:00

This happened while my daughter was riding her bike. Now she can't ride it anymore and she is sad. Do any of you in Bike Land know what happened here and how we fix it, preferably without high expense?

So, What Say You?

2011-08-21T17:38:00.002-07:00

Yes, the posts are easier to read in one collection of things I focused on this week, or no, please spread these suckers out into different posts?

The Alisa Post, Episode 1: Get Yer Freak On

2011-08-21T17:31:00.003-07:00

Let's start off our first post with the greatest piece of art ever created.

See the original on Deviant Art by Clicking Here.

Seasons and Festivals

Women's Equality Day: August 26

This day marks the passage of the 19th Constitutional Amendment in 1920, which granted women the right to vote.

"The observance of Women’s Equality Day not only commemorates the passage of the 19th Amendment, but also calls attention to women’s continuing efforts toward full equality. Workplaces, libraries, organizations, and public facilities now participate with Women’s Equality Day programs, displays, video showings, or other activities." - National Women's History Project

Crafts and Needlework
I am not interested in learning Filet Crochet.

Until now.

Meanwhile, my friend Dana sold me a $260 weaving loom for $50, graciously given to me by my sugar mama, Laura, in advance for some promised crocheted items. Thank goodness it includes an instruction book because for the most part the intertubes are devoid of tutorials for working on this kind of loom. As you can see in this picture of my kids in front of it, it is designed for a classroom so that several children can work simultaneously. Most of the looms and patterns I find online are for an entirely different kind of loom.

The kids are fascinated and I've already started cutting up scrap fabrics and old clothes. It will be a nice stash buster.

There's three rugs going on this loom - mine is on the far left, and then I started two for the kids.

A few things I've learned already about this Friendly Loom - It's generally for bulky yarns or fabric scraps. I'm not going to get finer woven fabrics from this. I also see the advantage of having a wide toothed comb for pushing the strips down as I work rather than using my fingers - hopefully I can find something at the thrift store this week.

I found THIS SET OF VIDEOS useful in learning how to use the Friendly Loom and frame looms in general.

We also followed THIS TUTORIAL to make Waldorf Education-style star lanterns. The kids painted the watercolor paintings and I did the cutting and folding.

Homemaking and Decor

I got this book from our library. I LOVE IT. It is has lots of photographs and detailed descriptions about the things you can do to children's spaces that are enriching, magical and tactile/sensorial.

The following are some pictures I am using as inspiration for our playroom. The pictures link back to the source. I've been working on this playroom for over a year - but in my defense, I got knocked up, had a crappy pregnancy, and then had a baby. This summer we've been de-cluttering left and right. I even sold their play kitchen that I saved all year for because they never used it except for a Lego table and super hero fortress. We have a wooden doll house for that, kids!

I just cannot keep up with the housekeeping and organizing while also being an involved parent and enriched crafter. We just have so much STUFF. It's time to simplify and get rid of the STUFF. But, it is also time to make the STUFF do its job and help us be more satisfied at home. We need beauty and color to uplift us. We need things to gaze on and touch. Less toys, less clothes, less gadgets. More art, more plants, more room for the baby to practice her wobbly walking and the kids to spread out their materials for imagination and exploration.

This room looks busy, and as renters, we can't paint the ceilings or walls. I like it because it has COLOR and TEXTURE. So many baby rooms and kids rooms are decorated to their parent's taste - blue and yellow, pink and white, gray and black - they certainly look clean, balanced, even elegant. Give a baby a choice, though, and they always go for the thing with the most colors. I asked my kids what colors they want in their playroom and my 3 year old wisely answered, "All of them."

I am making something similar to these crocheted circles out of shades of blue and green for their window.

This is my original inspiration room. I like the color combination. There is a general theme of green and blue, which is my favorite, but also other colors thrown in to make it fun.

A rainbow rice sensory table is a fantastic idea. However, could I keep the five year old from going nuts in it and throwing it everywhere? Hmmmm.....

Alternative Parenting

Attachment Parenting practices linked to reduction in SIDS rates

By Alicia Bayer, Mankato Attachment Parenting Examiner

"A new study released this week in the Journal of the American Medical Association links low serotonin levels with Sudden Infant Death Syndrome (SIDS) and helps explain why co-sleeping and other Attachment Parenting practices are linked with lower SIDS rates...

Another practice linked to lower SIDS rates is co-sleeping, which has also been shown to cut SIDS rates in half for infants between three and six months of age.

One reason for the link between co-sleeping and lower SIDS rates could be because it supports practices that raise serotonin levels in babies, such as skin-to-skin contact and breastfeeding on demand." Full Story

Some Of Us Breastfeed While Having Sex
Interested in proving that I'm not a pervert with no boundaries, I posted an unscientific poll on my Facebook page - how many of us have breastfed an infant back down to sleep while in the middle of having sex? 18 people answered the poll, two people emailed me privately because they didn't want their answers to be public, and a handful more came up with a new answer I hadn't included - those ones stopped sex to breastfeed, then came back to finish what they started.

11 of us admitted to breastfeeding during sex.
2 of us admitted to also breastfeeding a toddler during sex.
3 of us tried it but it was too awkward.
22 of us answered "Never Have and Never Will." (One of those was a guy friend skewing my poll results)

Apparently the majority of people on the internet think this is creepy, wrong, sick, perverse, and bordering on child abuse. Yet one in three of us answered yes, we do this, and several of them are quite conservative. I think a lot more of us do this than are admitting it. If you finally get a moment with your lover, and the baby wakes up, so much easier to nurse that baby back down in a few minutes then stop everything, in my opinion.It has nothing to do with no self-control, having a funky fetish, or disrespecting my child or my husband. It was just a beautiful thing we didn't feel like stopping when the babies woke up, since we knew it would not take much to get that baby back to sleep. But child abuse? Really? I'm pretty sure none of my babies remember or care.

Spirituality
One of my Mormon friends recently had the pleasure of teaching a Sunday school lesson to preschoolers about how we have bodies like Heavenly Father. Because she rocks, she altered the visual aid so that the girls got ones that said "I Have a Body Like Heavenly Mother's." And that's one of many reasons why I love her. (The other reason is that she has the songs to Dr Horrible's Sing Along Blog memorized. But that's it. ;-)

Here is a link to her blog, With Your Mutual Approbation: Likening the scriptures to include our Mother in Heaven.

Homeschooling and Alternative Schooling
Schoolchildren Can Also Learn Complex Subject Matters On Their Own, Researchers Find

ScienceDaily (Aug. 14, 2011) — Self-directed learning has long been heralded as the key to successful education. Yet until now, there has been little research into this theory. Educational researchers at the Technical University of Munich (TUM) have now shown that schoolchildren can independently develop strategies for solving complex mathematical tasks, with weaker students proving just as capable as their stronger class mates. Full Story

I Freakin' Love Food
Coconutty Paleo Fudge

"I know paleo fudge is kind of a oxymoron. But while most fudge is made with tons of powdered sugar this one is sweetened with only honey. It's super delicious!" Full Story

Herbal Remedies, Nutrition and Alternative Health
C is almost 6 years old and has been peeing his pants a lot this summer. We've been assuming it's because he's been playing for hours at a time outside with the neighborhood kids and he just doesn't want to come inside. Sometimes, though, he just pees, and then pees 20 minutes later, and then another 20 minutes later. Like right now as I'm writing this - 4 times in the last hour and he still peed his pants.

A friend suggested it might be gut issues, and I looked up various websites and discovered that quite a few places, including the National Kidney & Urologic Diseases Information Clearinghouse, list food sensitivities and artificial preservatives/colors and causes of urinary incontinence in children. Upon questioning Connor this evening, he revealed that some of the girls shared koolaid with everyone today. Light Bulb Moment!

THIS LINK has suggestions and stories about families who were able to address not only bed wetting and pants wetting but also general behavior issues by discovering and eliminating irritating ingredients from childrens diets.

Injustices and Eye-rolling

Only One Woman on the "Super Committee"? Ouch!
Kristin Rowe-Finkbeiner
"Co-founder and Executive Director of Moms Rising

Here's the math: Women are 50.7% of our population, only 17% of Congress, and an appallingly low 8% of the Super Committee.   
This lack of representation on the debt ceiling Super Committee which is charged with cutting $1.5 trillion from the federal budget is pathetic, particularly given that critical programs -- like Medicaid, Medicare, child care, education, food assistance, and Social Security -- which have the biggest impacts on women and families are at stake.

The solutions that come out of the Super Committee need to reflect the needs of Main Street, and not just greedy Wall Street corporations.

Why is it an 'ouch' that there's only one woman on the Super Committee?

Because, as news outlets report, "When women aren't at the table, programs that disproportionately benefit and employ women -- like child care, education, food assistance, and Medicare -- are often the first to go.""

Full Story

Podcasts
Relaxation Meditation Podcast: Lita has one of the most amazing voices I have ever had the pleasure of hearing. Even just listening yo her making her announcements is soothing. You can also find her on YouTube under Massageclips, but her podcasts are longer. I try to listen to her every night before going to bed.

Humor
Parenting. Illustrated With Crappy Pictures is the blog I was thinking about doing until this mom beat me to it. Bryan and I love it. Subscribe and laugh your head off.

News, Activism and "Hmmmmm" Articles
When porn meets real motherhood
An adult star photographed breast-feeding is accused of exposing her baby to pedophiles
By Tracy Clark-Flory

Malia Schlaefer

What we have here is a tempest in a porn star's breast pump -- and it reveals just how discomfiting some find the overlap between sex and motherhood.
Just weeks after adult actress Madison Young gave birth, she launched an art exhibit titled "Becoming MILF." The idea was that she would explore how she now embodies a contradiction, the dichotomy to end all dichotomies -- that of the Madonna and the whore. At the show's opening, she served up self-made breast milkshakes and displayed a baby quilt made of burp cloths and "porn star panties."

.....It isn't just porn stars who are chastised when their breasts suddenly become utilitarian, though. We Americans love us some boobs, until they're desexualized -- then they seem obscene. Just think of all the moms who have been kicked out of restaurants for flashing a wee bit of cleavage while trying to feed their fussy newborn. That isn't to mention the disgust directed at women who dare talk about the physical pleasures of breast-feeding. We don't like to think of moms as sexual beings -- except for in the taboo-busting world of porn (paging Dr. Freud). It's fitting for a porn star mama, the rare industry "MILF" who is actually a mom, to remind folks that, generally speaking, one has to have sex in order to become a mom.

Maybe the other lesson here is that sexual objectification is the worst when you don't choose it. As Young tweeted to her critic, "[T]he only one sexualizing this image of me breastfeeding is you. Which makes me feel truly disgusted and violated." -FULL STORY

Can GMOs Help End World Hunger?
J ohn Robbins
Posted: 8/1/11 02:14 PM ET

"...The hope that GMO foods might bring solutions to malnutrition and world hunger was never more dramatically illustrated than when Time magazine ran a cover story titled "Grains of Hope." The article joyfully announced the development of a genetically engineered "golden rice." This new strain of GM rice has genes from viruses and daffodils spliced into its genetic instructions. The result is a form of rice that is a golden-yellow color (much like daffodil flowers), and that produces beta-carotene, which the human body normally converts into Vitamin A.

Nearly a million children die every year because they are weakened by Vitamin A deficiencies and an additional 350,000 go blind. Golden rice, said Time, will be a godsend for the half of humanity that depends on rice for its major staple. Merely eating this rice could prevent blindness and death...

...In the years since Time proclaimed the promises of golden rice, however, we've learned a few things.
For one thing, we've learned that golden rice will not grow in the kinds of soil that it must to be of value to the world's hungry. To grow properly, it requires heavy use of fertilizers and pesticides -- expensive inputs unaffordable to the very people that the variety is supposed to help. And we've also learned that golden rice requires large amounts of water -- water that might not be available in precisely those areas where Vitamin A deficiency is a problem, and where farmers cannot afford costly irrigation projects.

And one more thing -- it turns out that golden rice doesn't work, even in theory. Malnourished people are not able to absorb Vitamin A in this form. And even if they could, they'd have to eat an awful lot of the stuff. An 11-year-old boy would have to eat 27 bowls of golden rice a day in order to satisfy his minimum requirement for the vitamin...

Poverty is at the root of the problem of hunger. As Peter Rosset, director of Food First, reminds us, "People do not have Vitamin A deficiency because rice contains too little Vitamin A, but because their diet has been reduced to rice and almost nothing else." FULL STORY

Smallholder Organic Farming not GMOS - the Solution to World Hunger
GMOs Feed the World?The data from FAO shows that the number of hungry people was decreasing slowly until 1995-97 and then started to increase every year. It was at the exact point in time when world hunger began to increase that the widespread increase in the planting of GMOs started. The increase in the number of hungry people and the increase in the number of hectares planted to GMOs mirror each other.

Number of undernourished people in the world Source: FAO

Global Planting of GMOs Source: http://www.gmocompass.org/

This is not a coincidence. It is because the major GMO crops of corn, soy and cotton are traded as commodities.

One of the critical issues that the data shows is that the number of hungry people is not related to the level of food production as the world produces more than enough food. It is due to the way that the global economy distributes food as a commodity. According to the FAO: 'Global cereal harvests have been strong for the past several years - even as the number of undernourished people was rising - but the overall improvement in food security in 2010 reflects improved access to food through the expected resumption of economic growth … but food prices in most low-income food-deficit countries remain above the pre-crisis level of early 2008, negatively affecting access to food by vulnerable populations.' (FAO 2010)

(FULL STORY)

Seen Around The Intertubes:
(click on the image for associated link, unless I stole it from someone's facebook wall, in which case, ta da!)

As Always, We Finish With a Cute:

Guinea Pigs in Jayne Hats

"A kick ass post about kick ass women who make kick ass stuff while kicking ass" - Bryan

2011-08-21T13:28:00.000-07:00

(I posted this on my craft blog last night)

To my 33 loyal fans - YOU cannot crochet and be a tough girl at the same time. Apparently. Saith random stranger Peg Aloi on the Huffington Post.

"Maybe "having it all" was a silly fantasy that ultimately made women feel exhausted and inferior. Maybe we just wanted to sit on our asses and knit and eat cupcakes in our Hello Kitty jammies.

And now that so many women have seemingly retreated from our reign of awesomeness to immerse themselves in the feminine past-times of yesteryear, it does indeed appear that we've lost sight of what it means to be a badass, strong, tough woman...

...This weird retro world of cooking, heirloom tomatoes and Jane Austen is starting to feel a bit smug and smothering. Where's the fun?"

Peg goes on to extol the virtues of such shining examples of feminist bad-assery as Courtney Love, a drug addict who lost custody of her daughter because she couldn't grow up and take responsibility, and Buffy The Vampire Slayer, a non-existent television hero who battles imaginary creatures. Dude, seriously?

"There are tough times ahead, and we need to be tough bitches to face them. Growing vegetables is useful; but so is learning how to shoot a gun, hot-wire a car, and manipulate our way into a bomb shelter."

(rolling my eyes at you. this is a kindness)

So, ladies, behold your "girly" and "complacent" inability to be "tough," "intelligent," and "no-nonsense."

Hmm. Creative and creepy, but since it involves sewing, it's domestic and therefore girly. Keep trying.

Physics cupcakes from quaint_idea. VERY intelligent, but Peg specifically said, "Women are girly. Again. Don't believe me? The proof is in the blogosphere: Women who blog about cupcakes." You made cupcakes and then posted them on the internet. You can't possibly rock.

Pattern and kit from Subversive Cross Stitch. Incidentally, Peg mentions Xena: Warrior Princess, and in "The Black Wolf" episode, it comes out that Xena does embroidery.

Diomedes: You embroider.

Xena: I have many skills.

Never mind that 2 days after this tutorial and recipe were posted, the INVENTOR of the Rubik's Cube emailed her about how he liked the cake. It's a CAKE, honey. Made in a KITCHEN. Possibly while BAREFOOT AND PREGNANT.

A collection of knitting patterns from a Roller Derby team? What the hell???

Artist Shauna Richardson crocheted this mofo. CROCHETED. What a waste of skill and "tough gal" spirit.

Dude, you can't put "Sew" and "Subversive" in the same book title unless that title is "How Sewing Automatically Excludes You From Being Subversive."

Don't even get me started on GARDENING. How can a woman who runs her own farm and magazine and food business and delights in sewing APRONS be badass?

"She's an organic farmer who grew up canning garden-fresh food and wearing hand-sewn clothes. After stints as a single mother, carpenter, and wilderness ranger, MaryJane purchased a five-acre homestead in Idaho, sight unseen. Since then, she's been farming this land — and then 100 more adjacent acres, after she married a neighbor farmer — in high style." (source link)

Harumph. That's not so tough. Anyone can run a farm. Your overweight mom can run a farm. It doesn't take a genius to cut wood and build things with it. Aprons are are wimps. Wimps who COOK. In that previously mentioned KITCHEN.

It's a knitting tattoo. A KNITTING TATTOO. Only girly girls get tattoos, especially big ones in a prominent place.

This badass quilt is brought to you by the wimpy craft of quilting.

You can't actually CALL your cupcake business Kickass Cupcakes, Sara Ross! That's CHEATING!

Not only did artist Therea Honeywell knit over a perfectly serviceable and badass motorcycle, she knit it PINK. Only a woman made to feel "exhausted and inferior" would stoop to such levels.

Oh, for crying out loud! Is that a knitting cake??? Edible dessert that looks eerily like a real basket full of yarn?? The women at The Artisan Bake Shop are wasting their feminist heritage!! You can't just up and own your own business by utilizing your talents to BAKE!

Mmmmm ... sexy werewolf cross stitch ... I mean (ahem) GIRLY cross stitch. As in, many of the girls I know would appreciate this cross stitch chart.

As you can see, the world of crafting and baking is flooded with women who would rather sit on their couches playing with yarn than become an alcoholic or ignorant Huffington Post freelance writer. "Feminine pastimes" are mere distractions from wearing leather and committing grand theft auto.

"“Dear Peg Aloi,

I was an officer in the Army Reserves for 11 years and an ROTC cadet in a male dominated organization for 4 years before that. I have two college degrees plus a 3rd degree black belt in karate and a 2nd degree black belt in kobudo. I'm a podcaster, artist and writer and happily self-employed. I also sew, knit, bake, craft, and let my girls wear pink whenever it suits them.

The last I checked, being feminist meant making I made my own decisions and did what I wanted to do without having to live up to other people's bull-crap artificial standards.

So bite me, fan girl. I am a feminist.”" - (commenter on Peg Aloi's article)

An Apology to Chris Brown

2011-08-20T14:59:00.001-07:00

"In particular I’d like to thank the female members of Team Breezy, who have taught me that as long as you can sing, you can beat the living hell out of a woman and other women will still love you."

If I had my own magazine, what would it look like?

2011-08-13T23:35:00.000-07:00

People who know me know I love magazines. LOVE magazines. LOVE THEM. Our library has free magazine bins and twice a week I go down and grab up stacks to bring home and scour over like a frat boy looking at porn. Yoga Journal? I'm taking them all. Threads magazine? Score. 20 old issues of Sassy Magazine from the 80s? Cha-ching!

This got me thinking about what my ideal magazine would be like. Mothering Magazine used to be very close, but they changed over the years and not in a good way. I wish I had a homeschool magazine I liked that wasn't anal about parent partnership programs and charter schools. I love Living Crafts but there's lots of knitting and not enough crochet. Mary Jane's Farm rocks but for the price I want it to read itself and then throw itself in the recycle bin. I read The Huffington Post every day but it's not in print and I don't care about sports and celebrity weddings.

What if I had my own magazine that talked about the things I'm interested in? Can't be too against commercialization because I lean toward laissez-faire with that one and let my kids watch lots of TV and own Disney toys. Can't be too laissez-faire because I make my kids eat dinner before dessert. Can't be 100% liberal because I tend to lean toward libertarianism when it comes to vouchers, homeschool, vaccine exemptions and homebirth. Can't be too libertarian because I believe in business regulations and taxes. Can't be too religious because I have Pagan and Atheist friends. Can't be godless because I believe in God.

What magazine would embrace all the complexities which interest me and concern me as a mother, a woman and a citizen?

I shall call it....The Alisa Post! And it shall come out every weekend, here on my blog, because I don't have the money to make a magazine or host a massive website. It shall be my own mini-ezine addressing the following issues and linking to the many resources I encounter during the week as I search for answers and kindred spirits.

News and activism
Gentle Discipline
Homemaking
Crafts and Needlework
Spirituality
Seasons and festival
Homeschooling and alternative schooling
Cooking
Art and Decor
Herbal remedies
Organic gardening
Eco-consciousness
Injustices and eye-rolling
Podcasts
Humor

And if it gets overwhelming, I shall do it every two weeks, and if that gets overwhelming, it shall be once a month, and if that gets overwhelming, I will rethink my daily activities.

ps - We all know I should really call it "I judge you and the way you live your life magazine" because that's what happens when I have an opinion. If you spank your children, smoke around them, put your babies on feeding schedules or make them cry it out, then I probably am judging you. Also if you murdered your kid, partied for a month, and then were declared innocent by a grand jury over it, you can safely assume I hate you. Otherwise, don't assume I think you're a bad person if you don't see things the way I do. I don't. But this blog is about to get a LOT MORE PREACHY. Please make a note of it.

Also, cute capybaras.

Inspirational Quote of The Day

2011-07-27T18:55:00.000-07:00

"Children have a drive to love other people and to be a contribution to the people around them. Misbehavior in children is an attempt to communicate, when all else has failed." - The Kids Project brochure

The Stalking Is Love!

2011-07-13T17:16:00.001-07:00

There's a status meme going around teh facebooks worded like this or very close to it:

"My promise to my children: I am not your friend. I am your mother. I will stalk you, flip out on you, lecture you, drive you insane, and hunt you down like a bloodhound when necessary because I love you. When you understand that, I will know you are a responsible adult. You will never find someone who loves, prays, and cares more for you than I do. Repost if you are a mom!."

Rather than analyze the wrong, I'd like to share the rewordings I discovered in the mommy blogosphere, starting with the one I posted:

"My promise to my children: I am your friend. I will not stalk you, flip out on you, lecture you, drive you insane, or hunt you down like a bloodhound, because those things are creepy. Coercion is not necessary to help children become responsible adults. When parents understand that, the world will be a more peaceful place. Please surround yourself with people who love, pray, and care for you as much as I do."

And More:

"My promise to my children. I am your friend. I am your mom. I will protect you, listen to you, respect you, support you, be your strongest advocate & give you wings to fly when you are ready because I LOVE YOU. You will NEVER find someone who loves, prays, and cares about you more than I do." (LINK)

"My promise to my children ~ I LOVE being your friend! Being both friend and Mother is a wonderful experience. I will hang out with you when you feel like it, talk when you want, and listen when you need me to, drive you anywhere you need or want to go, wish you sweet dreams every night and miss you like crazy when you're away because I LOVE YOU! Someday, I hope you do find someone who loves, prays, cares and worries about you more than I do, and when you do, marry him! Repost if you are a parent and agree.♥" (LINK)

"My promise to my kids – I am not only your friend, I am your Mentor, Leader, and Guide. I will always work hard to keep our relationship strong. I hope that you will always trust and respect me, but I know these are qualities that must work both ways. I hope you will forgive me when I flip out on you, as I believe this is unacceptable behavior, but I am human and may give in to my primitive brain sometimes. I will give you unsolicited advice and work with you to correct any behavior I feel needs correcting, but ultimately it is your life and your decision. I hope you trust that I am always working in your best interest and my goal is for you to become a responsible, happy, and successful adult. I will have faith in my ability to teach you how to make wise decisions so that I don’t have to stalk you. I trust our communication will be open and honest. If you ever need me, I will be there and I hope you will never be afraid to ask me for help. I will always have your back and support you no matter what, because I LOVE YOU and I already know you are amazing! Re-Post if you are a parent that does things a little differently…" (LINK)

"A message to my children: I am blessed to be your mother and honored to be your friend. I will always be there for you, supporting you and providing a secure, loving base. As long as your safety is not compromised, I will trust you to make decisions, even when I disagree. I will offer my advice when appropriate, but always remember in any conversation listening is more important than talking. I promise to be one person in your life on whom you can depend unconditionally. I know that you will grow into a content, responsible adult who respects others because you have been shown respect. I will care for your needs and pray for you daily because I love you. Repost to show how much you care about your children." (LINK)

Inspirational Quote of the Year

2011-07-13T12:38:00.000-07:00

"Before you diagnose yourself with depression or low self esteem, first make sure that you are not, in fact, just surrounding yourself with assholes." - William Gibson

The Kids Attend Their First Gay Pride Parade

2011-07-10T17:08:00.001-07:00

It was small, but they threw candy, so the kids liked it!

Waiting with friends

Global AIDS awareness

Baby contemplates the loud noises

There were several churches that participated. This was heartwarming!!!

Not a Pride Parade without queens.

Deirdre and her buddy

Dancing to the live music and chasing bubbles

If you can't expose your ginormous breast here, where CAN you do it???

"Choose Joy. Call Bullshit On The Rest."

2011-07-07T13:06:00.000-07:00

"If you are still using compulsion and emotional/physical coersion (sic) to ensure that your child is “well behaved” and “fitting in to society”, consider they might grow up to be an intolerant, unfeeling blogger who advocates hitting young kids.

And if you are trying to break the cycle into more peaceful attached parenting at the price of bucking the system, consider you will deal with douchebags who aren’t afraid to bully you or your child to get you to stop. So find some good supportive friends, muster up your courage, and be awesome! Choose joy. Call bullshit on the rest."

- "Bullies Are Bullied First. Usually By People Trying To Be 'Good Parents.'" - Posted by Tiff in Our freeplaylife

"When the parent-blaming child-shaming folk say “I treat kids like people by expecting them to act like it” what they’re really saying is “I expect kids to act like adults”, which boils down to the belief that only adults are people. Because if you actually recognize that children are in fact persons, then you would be able to see that yes, actually, people do do those things in public, and the proof is dancing right in front of you.

...You might doubt the status of children as an oppressed class. There is much I can use to support this assertion, but simplest and most starkly is this: in the United States of America, and in too many other countries (any would be too many), physical assault on a child is considered a parent’s legally-protected right, often explicitly granted. You might quibble about whether any given act of violence is “assault”, that it’s not really “abuse” unless it leaves a mark for more than a day, or breaks the skin, or breaks a bone, or whatever line you wish you use to delineate “acceptable” from “abusive”, but the fact remains that it is legal for an adult to hit a child against their will, and it is not legal to hit another adult the same way. Physical violence enacted on children’s bodies to “discipline” them is a mark of their status as not-persons, as things, in culture’s conception.

...What does it mean, exactly, to honor their personhood? It means simply that we start with the radical idea that children are people: that they have the right to bodily integrity; that their needs are no less important than ours, that their desires are no less worthy than ours; that their feelings matter, that their ideas matter, that they matter; that they should be respected for who they are, not just valued (or devalued) for what they do for us.
From here, many things become obvious: we do not hit children, because we do not hit people. We do not cut their genitals, because we do not perform unnecessary and harmful amputation on people without their consent. We do not shun them and segregate them away from us, because separate is not equal. We do not expect them to act like adults, because they have the right to act like children."

- "Dancing between the tables: on the personhood of children"

Baby In a Back Carry

2011-07-04T00:11:00.000-07:00

This is how Moira spends about 1/3 of her day. I HIGHLY recommend learning to carry a baby this way. Now that I've mastered doing it without help, life is MUCH easier. Moira gets very excited and giggles when I start to put her on my back. Bryan recently tried it and he loves it, too.

Gaining Weight On Oatmeal and Losing Weight On Butter

2011-07-03T18:56:00.000-07:00

Remember last year during my pregnancy when I was all like, screw you, dietician, there's no way I'm going to stop eating oatmeal, I'm a rebel like that?

Well, he was right and I was wrong.

After Moira was born, oatmeal became my go-to meal. I had it practically every day for breakfast and lunch, because I could microwave it for just a few minutes with some rice milk and be full, Plus, it increases your milk supply, so I was gloriously full of milk.

Over a few months, something alarming happened. MY skin started to FOLD OVER OTHER skin. I'm a big girl, you know that. But even while big I've been shapely. Not anymore. Flesh started to pour out of my bra. Tummy rolls folded over my c section scar and jiggled when I walked. My weight went up to higher than it's ever been, even more than all three pregnancies. 230 pounds, my friends. The most I weighed in any pregnancy is 220.

I COULD FEEL MY CHIN ON MY NECK.

All from oatmeal. No, really. Dinner was usually the same old same old. I wasn't eating extra dessert. Just oatmeal.

It was about this time that some of my friends started eating high protein low carb diets called Paleo diets, Caveman diets, Primal diets, Hunter-Gatherer diets. All of these names refer to eating in a way that helps keep blood sugar low and energy high. I'm sure it is the bane of Vegans and Vegetarians everywhere. And I don't believe that any ONE diet is right for everyone.

However, I tried it, and not even 100%, mind you, and I lost 13 pounds over 5-6 weeks. I still have more fatty skin than I want, but my double chin is gone. Everyone tells me they can see it in my face.

I replaced my oatmeal with "No-Oat Meal" and went from coke to diet coke. I started eating nut and fruit bars instead of granola bars when I took the kids out. THAT IS IT. That's the main change I made.

Because eating this way is expensive, I went back to eating "normal" this last month. My jeans have stopped fitting again.

So, now I'm making more of a commitment, and convinced Bryan to join me for a while. Less bread and pasta, more meat and vegetables and berries (berries have lower sugar content than other fruits). The idea is to eat the way our caveman ancestors did - animals, fruits and vegetables that could be found in the wild, seeds and nuts. Lots of fat, lots of fresh.

Which brings me to the butter. (Click Here for a run-down on why cultured butter from grass-fed cows is good for you)

A friend of mine mentioned on Facebook that she has a butter smoothie in the morning. This sounds disgusting to me. But, her husband has lost 30 pounds eating this way. I know because she posted a picture of his shirtless six pack self to show how awesome this way of eating has been. She posted the recipe for her smoothie on her blog just for me (CLICK HERE). Yep, that's a stick and a half of butter she puts into that smoothie every morning, sometimes twice a day. She admits that it is expensive - organic butter, egg yolks, kefir, organic frozen berries - but she feels less depressed and more cheerful on the days she has it.

Bryan and I tried it for the first time two days ago. It was...buttery. It takes some getting used to, and I only used half a stick. Today it was even more buttery, a whole stick, in fact, and it left a film on the inside of my blender. BUT - it was very filling. After that smoothie, it was a while before I felt hungry again. I expected it to make me feel sluggish or at least nauseous, but it didn't. I felt good.

I've made butter before with the kids - you have them shake the jar and roll it around to keep them occupied while you cook the holiday meal - so I think we'll start making our own cultured buttered with some local cream.

In Which My Religious Beliefs Take a Turn, And Natural Family Life Takes Precedence

2011-06-25T19:49:00.001-07:00

There's a quiz called the Belief'O'Matic that you can take to sort out what religion or non religion seems to fit you best. I first took it a few years ago and my highest score was actually for Baha'i. I was about 50-60% Mormon. Now, not so much.

Unitarian Universalism (100%)

Liberal Quakers (96%)

Reform Judaism (89%)

Mainline to Liberal Christian Protestants (82%)

Neo-Pagan (79%)

New Age (75%)

Mahayana Buddhism (71%)

Baha'i Faith (68%)

New Thought (66%)

10.

Secular Humanism (64%)

11.

Jainism (64%)

12.

Orthodox Judaism (61%)

13.

Theravada Buddhism (61%)

14.

Sikhism (59%)

15.

Scientology (57%)

16.

Islam (55%)

17.

Orthodox Quaker (53%)

18.

Hinduism (51%)

19.

Taoism (47%)

20.

Christian Science (Church of Christ, Scientist) (45%)

21.

Nontheist (40%)

22.

Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints (Mormons) (36%)

23.

Mainline to Conservative Christian/Protestant (35%)

24.

Seventh Day Adventist (31%)

25.

Eastern Orthodox (27%)

26.

Roman Catholic (27%)

27.

Jehovah's Witness (23%)

How did I get here, you might ask?

Well, first I'd like to let my in-laws know that I am not responsible for dragging Bryan into hopeless apostasy. He stopped going to church two years before I did. Don't turn around and blame him for me, though. Our religious paths have been very individual lately. We don't really talk about it much.

Secondly, it happened when I became a mother. Lots of things changed when I became a mother. Some people become more conservative when they have children. I did not. I found myself suddenly saddened and sometimes horrified by things I used to believe in very deeply. I found myself crying when I tried to tell the story about Noah's Ark. I winced every time someone told my children we have to marry in the temple or else we can't be together in heaven. I found myself wondering why God's true church was only recognizable by about 0.05% of the world's population. Why is it so hard to feel God? Why is it so hard to know the difference between truth and non-truth?

But the thing that had the greatest impact on my faith was an experience that shattered it. Only a few of you know the main details and I really don't want to get into it publicly, but essentially we took a scary leap of faith because all the signs were pointing in one direction and even other people began telling us that a certain thing was something they felt like they should tell us to do, and we did it, and it blew up in our faces. And then suddenly I stopped feeling good when I prayed. I stopped feeling ANYTHING. For months. I don't feel like I was tested, I feel like I was tricked. The test was the leap of faith we took. We did it. Things got worse and went to hell. I felt abandoned.

Being "good" has never come easy to me. I've tried, though. I remember when I first started coming back to the LDS Church back in 1995. I had given up cigarettes, alcohol, drug experimentation, and sex. I was friends with a Returned Missionary whose company I really enjoyed. He brought me to dinner at his Bishop's house. They were not impressed with me. The Bishop's wife later told him that it was obvious that my priorities were backwards and that he should stop seeing me. For some reason he felt like telling me this. I was crushed. It already felt like everyone's eyes were on me whenever I walked into a chapel, like everyone could see every sinful thing I had ever done. Apparently I was right.

But I still tried.

I resisted all temptations for a year and became worthy to enter the LDS temple and receive my endowments. I became a stake missionary and went out with the sister missionaries every week almost without fail. I decided to go on a mission because I thought, that will undo all the things I've done in my life that made God unhappy with me. I had people tell me to my face and in letters that they thought I was going on an LDS mission to escape my responsibilities and that I wouldn't be able to do it. They were right. I developed a depression so deep that I've had it ever since. I now know it is chemical, but it came to me there, in France, under the Mediterranean sunshine. A leader came and told us that if we weren't having baptisms, it was our fault. I had one. Nothing I did changed that. I stopped sleeping and became so exhausting I could barely move. The truth had been confirmed to me - I was permanently lacking. I was officially not good enough.

I came home and became friends with a guy unofficially engaged to someone else. He became my best friend. We just got along in all ways. He broke up with his long-distance girlfriend and then started hinting that he wanted us to be more than friends. I was done with men, though. I was done with using my body to get affection. I was done with not using my body to secure approval. I told him every bad thing I had ever done. His answer was "so?"

Our first kiss was totally awkward because I still saw him as just a friend. Our second one was better. Our third one was freakin' awesome.

I married my virgin husband in a Mormon temple on December 4, 1999. It was like a giant slumber party every night, only with less clothes. Bryan and I have had PLENTY of problems and struggles. But we have always been buddies. We just get along for some reason. We're a laughing couple. We're a super giggly family.

Since my brain was broken and no medications or alternative therapies or counseling sessions were helping, I couldn't hold down a job and lost every church calling within two months. Every time I got a calling, I would tell them I was broken, and they would all say the same thing. "We prayed about it and we really feel strongly that this will work out." Weeks, occasionally months later I would get the inevitable "we'd like to release you." How could every bishop in every ward be so wrong? Why would God tell them I was going to be okay, over and over, just to have it verified to me a few weeks later that I was in fact inferior and insufficient? Even after I found the right medication, I was still woefully incapable of really doing a good job.

I thought I hit the jackpot when I worked for MyFamily.com because I was doing data entry part-time for a genealogy website. They need that to be accurate, right? I was two times slower than their slowest person. It didn't matter that I made next to zero mistakes. I was slow and I received bad review after bad review. I cried whenever I had to do a tombstone for a baby or young child. They got mad at me for being online all the time, even though it was a live video cam of guinea pigs I would keep up in the corner when I grew weary from entering too many dead babies. I was finally aware that they preferred that I quit.

Then my babies came.

I'm surprisingly well fit for babies and children.

We all need 11-12 hours of sleep each night. We're all afraid of the dark. We're all easily over stimulated and need lots of calm times and breaks in between spurts of fun throughout the day. We all get cranky if we don't get some outdoor time every day. None of us like to sit still for very long. We all prefer lots of small meals throughout the day instead of 3 large meals. We all like puppies and gardening. We hate schedules but love routines. We don't like people testing us or telling us what to do or putting more demands on us than we can handle. We have temper tantrums when we're tired.

So where does that leave me spiritually?

I am done feeling inadequate. I am done feeling rejected by God. But I still believe in God. I have felt His presence enough times in my life to know He is there. But I no longer accept a strict view of God with specific requirements for salvation.

I can't believe for one moment that I'm actually a better parent than God is. I would never kick all my kids out of the house and only relent after one of my kids decided to suffer and die. I would never tell my good kid to go kill my bad kid and his wife and children and livestock. I would never make my children talk to me through someone else on the phone. I would never drown my children for not obeying me. I would never create a cut off point for when it was no longer possible for my children to be forgiven and come home to me. None of this fills me with hope. It fills me with fear and a certain level of resentment.

So that's where I am right now. I thought I'd finally put that out there. Another LDS mama friend of mine who finally left the Church told me she felt like she had been deceived. I told her I didn't think so. I told her it was what she needed at the time. I love the Dalai Lama's teaching that the right church is the one that helps you become a compassionate person. If the church makes her angry now, it's not helping her anymore.

My LDS friends are not going to like that I said that. It's pretty damning to encourage apostasy. That's probably why I've waited so long to write this.

But, the unifying factor I have seen in the happiest families is not religion. Mormons are not more unified as couples or gentle with their children. Some are, some aren't.

The happiest couples and parents and children that I know across the board are the ones committed to natural family living. No joke. I've seen it all around me for years. The ones who see babies as whole beings with needs worth meeting. The ones who see mothering and fathering as fulfilling. The ones committed to social justice, treading softly on the earth, disciplining without coercion, they seem so much more peaceful to me.

Are they always? No. There's always exceptions. Look at us. Now that we have three kids and we're outnumbered, we're pretty crappy parents. We find ourselves pitting our wills against our children because we're outnumbered and its difficult to balance the needs of each child. But the overwhelming evidence is that the families we know that have the friendliest homes, whether Christian, Atheist, Jewish, Hindu, Unitarian, Liberal, Conservative, Libertarian, Socialist, Gay, Straight, or Polygamist (yep - I know some polygamous/polyandrous partnerships), are the ones who embrace certain relationship ideas between their partners and their children.

I didn't intend for this to turn into an attachment parenting lecture. It didn't start out that way. I just really want my children to have a different upbringing than mine - one where they don't hate being home. That's my whole theme, my goal, my mission statement. I want my children to like "home." I want home to be a place of love and safety and serenity and creativity. I don't want a home of unquestioned authority, stress, or fear. That is how I have felt for many years in the LDS church. I want God and religion to be a blessing and source of hope for my children. I want them to feel relieved that God loves them, not afraid that He won't.

And now to take a deep breath and click on "Publish Post."

Homeschool, Fly Lady Style: I Shined My Sink Like a Mother &%$#%$! Champion

2011-06-24T19:36:00.001-07:00

Yesterday at playgroup, the host mama with her disgustingly clean house said she does Flylady. I used to do Flylady. Before kids. I have not done Flylady since having kids. Does Flylady work when you have kids? The host mama said it does.

Flylady is a mama who started a free housekeeping/life organizing program after some police officers thought her house looked like it had been ransacked and robbed. It hadn't. It was just really, really messy. She calls it C.H.A.O.S.: Can't Have Anyone Over Syndrome.

Flylady will send you emails every single &%$#%$! day and tell you what to do to clean your house. For some women, this totally sucks. For women like me who stand it a room, can't decide where to begin, and end up crying in a corner with a breastfeeding baby while eating peanut butter straight from the jar and listening to Tori Amos so loud you can't hear the phone ring, Flylady can be a lifesaver.

When you are first starting out, you do one simple thing, and then add another little thing each day. The first day is Shine Your Sink day.

Here's my sink, b&%$#es.

I keep putting off homeschool because I keep telling myself I need an organized house in order to do it. I keep cleaning one room and then that room gets messed up while I clean up another, so I go in circles like a dog trying to enter into the sleep vortex before finally lying down. In the immortal words of Homer Simpson as he pushes his dog down, There, you found the floor!!!

My kids spend their days telling me how bored they are and I spend my days telling them if they'd stop sneaking food onto the couch and smearing it onto the cushions I could spend more time helping them have fun.

So, now that I've shined the living hell out of my sink, I've decided to get back into enriching my children's lives, one baby step at a time.

We have a wall hanging called "All About Today." I've posted about it before. Here's an old pic.

It does the day, month, year, season, weather, daily activities that we've modified (we've changed some school related cards into cards like "Park Time" and "Cooking."

I've decided that this will be my daily equivalent of shining my sink. At the very least, we will talk about the day.

Tomorrow, I'm supposed to wake up, get out of my pajamas, put on clothes and wear shoes. That's not going to happen. I hate shoes. But the whole getting dressed thing has a certain appeal.

For Those of You Who Like Books, Horror Movies, Bryan, or all 3...

2011-06-19T21:02:00.001-07:00

Bryan has restarted his book blog and started a new blog on horror films.

http://schlockwatch.blogspot.com/
"... welcome to Schlock Watch Sit down, turn out the lights, have a seat and let's venture into the darker corners of the theater to talk about horror films."

http://bryansbookblog.blogspot.com/
"and so after a nine month hiatus, I am coming back to Bryan’s Book Blog, dusting off the shelves, shooing the spiders back outside, rinsing the servers, and sweeping the corners and jumping back into the online world of book reviews."

Meanwhile, This:

Babies Can Recall Emotional Events

2011-06-12T15:17:00.000-07:00

"Investigating the impact of relationship disruptions on stress regulation in infants, researchers asked parents to briefly ignore their six-month-old infants during an experiment, which caused an elevation in infant stress hormones, said Dr. David Haley, a psychologist at the University of Toronto Scarborough and the lead investigator of the study.

To see whether infants would remember this episode of parental unresponsiveness, infants were re-exposed to the same context after 24 hours. Although parents did not ignore their infants on this second day of the experiment, the infants demonstrated an anticipatory stress response, as evidenced by an elevation in cortisol, a stress hormone. Overall levels of stress hormones were lower on the second day compared with the first day, however, suggesting that infants can anticipate the stressful event based on expectations about how their parents will treat them, but are able to adapt to the stressor.

“The capacity to adapt to changes in parenting may be an evolutionary advantage that contributes to the reciprocal nature of the parent-infant relationship in humans,” said Haley.

The results of the study are published on Aug. 25 in the Royal Society journal Biology Letters."

Read The Rest of the Article Here

"Am I Pretty Now?"

2011-06-11T06:17:00.000-07:00

My 3 year old broke my heart this evening when she spoke those words to me.

She had just purchased a Tinker Bell make up garden thing with her allowance. I admit it's quite adorable. There's different colors of glittery makeup shaped like flowers on the ends of sticks that look like flower stems. There's sparkly nail polish that looks like tulips. There are little plastic rings probably made by children her age in china. It is truly a garden of girlish delights. It was also the SHINY that we used to talk her out of spending her money on a Barbie purse. (We're trying to be less controlling of the children's choices these days, but dude, I draw the line at Barbie)

She took her little applicator brush, squished it into the pink blush flower, and then smeared the gooey color all over her cheeks. She painted her eyes with the shimmery yellow eye shadow. She took some of my tinted lip balm and globbed it on and around her lips. Then she traipsed off to the bathroom mirror to give herself a one over, and came traipsing back to me with her shiny grin.

"Do I look pretty?"

I gave her the standard parent answer, except I actually meant it.

"You ALWAYS look pretty Deirdre."

"But am I pretty now?"

"You look pretty when you don't have make up on and you look pretty when you do have make up on."

Shiny, goopy grin.

"So I look pretty."

HOLY !$%! She is only three years old! I don't even wear makeup. Where is this coming from? I have a small drawer with brown eyeshadow, face powder and a few tubes of tinted chap sticks. I only open that drawer to look at it, remember when it used to take me more than 2 minutes to get ready, and then close it again.

We have made every effort to raise a boy who is free to play with purses and dolls and a girl who is free to play with cars and mud. We have gone out of our way to make things as gender neutral as possible. We don't own Disney Princess movies. Our doll house is natural wood instead of purple plastic. When mommy busts out the nail polish, EVERY toe gets polished, including Daddy's.

Yet, when I decided to show the kids how to use the Amazon universal wish list button, their choices could not have been more gender specific. Deirdre went through the Toys R Us website and pretty much tagged everything that looked pink, including a hair dryer.

We've started giving them an allowance each month to help with math (that's $3.00 so you can still buy one more thing, that's $5.99 so you don't have enough). Tonight we decided to combine the two biweekly allowances so they could buy something bigger. Connor came home with a Green Lantern action figure. Deirdre came home with a complex.

I want to stop telling my children who to be, and that includes not projecting my Princess Phobia onto my daughter, but I fear that liberating them has also meant that the void has been filled by their peers, instead, and we have not been happy with the messages. Since the weather has warmed up, the apartment complex kids have started getting together in the afternoons and playing in the grassy area right outside our balcony. Connor and Deirdre can't wait to go out to play. Sometimes there are 10 kids besides them out there, running around with their plastic light sabers and pool noodles.

Since they have started playing with these kids, I have started hearing those dreaded words: "That's a boy toy." "That's a baby thing and I'm not a baby." "Girls play with these, not boys." Deirdre has started hitting Connor and the baby. Connor called me a name for the first time ("Stupid Mommy!"). Deirdre has stopped bringing her light saber outside when the boys start playing Star Wars. Connor has started to tell Deirdre he doesn't want to play with her and wants to play with big kids.

On one hand, I don't want them to have to sit on the balcony and watch all the other kids play without them. On the other hand, I don't ever want them to play with any of those kids again, because they're spoiling my previously empathic, inclusive, non-violent children. The other day, I decided I'd better bring the baby outside so I could supervise more closely, and I found one boy refusing to give a younger boy's toy back to him. When I insisted he needed to return the toy, he glared at me, said he didn't want to play anymore, and went home.

I've come to the conclusion that mommy needs to regain some of her control over her children's environment.

I want them to be who they want to be - I liked pink growing up and by golly if she wants pink I'm going to grin and bear it. They pick out their own clothes and their own toys. They choose what to eat for dinner - if they don't like what I'm making, they have options from a shelf in the fridge that include fruit, veggies, cheese, yogurt, and other things they don't need my help preparing and eating. I don't force them to take a bath unless they're particularly dirty or stinky (though really, they like taking their baths. They're not huge fans of actually using soap). We don't say "no" very often unless it's a major safety issue. We let them decide when they want to go to bed and when they wake up, and if one of them wants to read a book when everyone else is going to bed, we have a reading spot in the bedroom with a pillow and reading lamp (dude, I can't force myself to go to bed when I have insomnia, why would I want to battle a child with the same problem? I generally wake up an hour later to find that kid either asleep on the reading pillow or back in bed).

My problem, however, is that I don't belong to a strong playgroup like I did back in Utah. We have friends we meet with often, but that's not our main influencing community. Our main influencing community is right here in our apartment complex, and only one parent has values similar to mine regarding gentle discipline, conflict resolution and inclusiveness. I can't rely on this village to help me instill the values in my children that I think are most important.

Exactly how I'll go about reclaiming my children, so to speak, I'm not certain.

For starters, I now go outside with them when they want to play. I know they're only right outside my window and being watched by other parents (we generally take turns being the ones to take them to the jungle gym since kids under 8 aren't supposed to be there unsupervised) but when things come up, like the older kids telling the "babies" to go play somewhere else, I like to speak up about how a different game that everyone could play might be more fun, and when a fight breaks out over a toy, I suggest everyone gets 5 minutes with it so everyone has a chance, and when someone decides it's fun to start hitting people with a pool noodle, I like to let them know that pool noodles seem soft but they actually hurt so if we want to hit something, we should hit the ground or a tree, and when someone says blue is for boys, I say no way, Aayla Secura has blue skin and a blue light saber.

And from now on, when I brush Deirdre's hair, I'll be sure to stop myself before I say "That looks pretty," and say "All the tangles are gone!" instead.

Meanwhile, In Australia...

2011-06-10T17:49:00.000-07:00

Actor Russell Crowe tweeted a few Circumcision-related comments on Twitter after a fan asked him if she should circ her newborn son or not. His comments were to the point (pun intended).

"Circumcision is barbaric and stupid. Who are you to correct nature? Is it real that GOD requires a donation of foreskin? Babies are perfect."

"many jewish friends, I love my Jewish friends, I love the apples and the honey and the funny little hats but stop cutting yr babies"

"last of it, if u feel it is yr right 2 cut things off yr babies please unfollow and f**k off,I'll take attentive parenting over barbarism"

BRILLIANT.

The War Over Homeschool: Who Is Taking Choices Away From Whom??

2011-06-07T05:29:00.002-07:00

There's something irritating about the homeschool community, and it's the same issue that irritates me about the homebirth community; many of those who decry government regulation of our choices are usually the first to turn around and try to regulate (or at least openly criticize) our choices.

In the homebirth community, it happens when those who birth with a midwife, or the midwives themselves, criticize and ridicule Unassisted Childbirth, which is homebirth without a midwife or other birth professional in attendance.On the other side of the coin, it also happens when homebirthers scorn women who choose to birth in a hospital.

In homeschool, it happens when unschoolers bash homeschoolers who use a curriculum, and homeschoolers with a curriculum bash homeschoolers who partner with public schools for online classes or part-time participation, such as when homeschooled kids join a school band or sports team.

The homeschool squabble has been irritating me for a few years now. Whenever I pick up a copy of a homeschool magazine, there is almost always a long-winded argument about how charter schools, online schools, and parent partnership programs threaten homeschooling everywhere. The fear is that these programs are after homeschoolers and eventually homeschooling rights; charter schools entice us away from our homeschools so the district can get money for our students; parent partnership programs give homeschoolers public funds for supplies but also put them under public school regulation which may lead to regulation for homeschooling in general; blah blah blah the government never does anything good homeschool my way blah blah blah.

Here, the Washington Homeschool Organization declares that parent partnership programs threaten homeschools, and that only homeschoolers who go without any public funding or public oversight should be able to call themselves homeschoolers. This reads a lot like how giving gay couples the same rights as married couples is alright as long as you don't call it marriage.

"While styles may vary, major Washington State homeschool organizations agree that maintaining the strength and understanding of our Home-Based Instruction Law is vital to the health of independent homeschooling in Washington State. The term “homeschooling” must remain identified, at its core, with families who have chosen to take upon themselves the responsibility for their child’s education and not identified with a state government-operated program." - SOURCE LINK

Here, the Home School Legal Defense Association not only warns against charter schools, they say they will not even count you as a homeschool if you enroll your children in one and will not represent you.

"Some new homeschoolers may lack the confidence to educate their children without professional supervision or government money, and the virtual charter school programs seem like a dream come true. However, children who are enrolled in virtual charter schools must follow all of the program’s policies and procedures, which include restrictions such as exclusion of religious educational materials as part of the formal curriculum. Parents who choose these programs must realize that in accepting virtual public schools into their homes, they are also accepting the bureaucracy and government supervision that is linked to accepting tax dollars.

What is HSLDA’s Position on Charter Schools?

HSLDA believes that a distinction between virtual charter schools and homeschooling is vital. While charter schools provide parents with another choice, we emphasize that they are still public schools in every sense of the word.

HSLDA also strongly cautions homeschoolers against enrolling in virtual charter schools. Many homeschoolers are seduced by attractive marketing and forget that virtual charter schools are actually controlled by the public school system. HSLDA does not represent students enrolled in full-time charter school programs" - SOURCE LINK

This article from Home Education Magazine goes back to 2002 but is typical of the anti-charter school and e-school articles that are VERY FREQUENTLY printed in their magazine ad nauseam. I do like that magazine and pick it up often, but I started skipping over certain sections once I got sick of the bias.

"Bennett and the K12 Inc. organization have argued that parents need a range of choices, and public e-schools are just another choice. However, choice for public e-schoolers is limited to deciding where their children will receive their public school education, while choice for homeschoolers means deciding what our children will be taught and taking direct responsibility for their education. Because many people think public e-schools are homeschools, there will be enormous pressure for the regulations that public e-schools are under (because they are public schools) to be applied to homeschools. Then we will all lose the choice to homeschool independently of public schools and will only be able to decide where our children will receive their public school education...." SOURCE LINK
(Alisa's Note: They then bring up one random case in Canada where e-school regulation somehow led to homeschool regulation. They don't mention whether or not the homeschool regulation came before or with instead of after the e-school regulation and at least as of 2002 this was their only example, in a totally different country)

And another more recent article from Home Ed Mag (I do not like the articles written by this couple and this one is particularly preachy and downright rude. My notes are in italics):

"Of course, children enrolled in virtual schools also learn from the real world when they're not doing school work. However, they have less time and energy for such learning. Says who? Where is your evidence that virtual schools rob children of time and energy?

Also, because the very idea of school has such a powerful hold on almost everyone, families enrolled in virtual schools may assume that what they learn from the virtual school is more important than the less programmatic but essential learning they are doing outside it. That's insulting.

Another question is how a curriculum someone else has developed would affect our homeschool. A curriculum presents the curriculum developer's ideas about what children should learn, in what order, at what ages. Some parents are reassured by such programs, feeling more confident that their children are learning the basics and have the opportunity to learn material similar to what children in conventional schools are supposed to learn. As homeschoolers, we can choose curriculums designed to help our children develop the knowledge, skills, attitudes, and values that we want them to have. We are not required to accept content and values chosen by the state. Of course, many homeschoolers choose not to use a purchased curriculum, preferring other approaches... Isn't choosing the state's curriculum the same as choosing your own curriculum? If you buy a curriculum from Sonlight or Oak Meadow, that's a choice even though someone else created it, but if you "buy" " a curriculum from a virtual school, that's not a choice? Am I missing something here?

Enrolling children in a virtual school has serious consequences. Virtual schools require that children catch on or memorize at least temporarily and feed back on tests the knowledge, skills, attitudes, and values that the developers of the program chose. Parents have the right to have their children opt out of standardized testing, in public schools and otherwise.

Parents who enroll children in any school are surrendering much of their control over their children's educations.... or exactly controlling it by reviewing the virtual school and deciding it's a good fit for their kid.

But such stark efficiency or, some would say, robotic conditioning, raises additional questions: As parents, do we really want someone else to have that much control over what goes into our children's brains? Do we want our children to learn in this way, instead of figuring things out themselves and experiencing the thrill of discovery? Do children find joy in this kind of learning or at best do they only feel relieved that they might not be punished or humiliated when they don't know the right answer?... You know not all learners are kinesthetic learners, right? I'm not, for instance. You show me how to do something and then ask me to do it and I will go cry in a corner. You let me read about it first, maybe more than once, then talk me through it, THEN have me try it, and you're on to something. My Connor LOVES doing things online and learns a lot that way. Whose to say a virtual school might not be a good fit for him, depending on how it is run?

It is important to establish and maintain the distinction between homeschools and virtual schools. Virtual public school students who happen to study in their homes (rather than using computers at their local public school or elsewhere) are not homeschoolers. THIS I disagree with.

Homeschoolers take direct responsibility for their children's educations and make choices consistent with their principles and beliefs, not those of the state. Who are you to define what it means to homeschool?

The point is not WHAT we homeschoolers choose but THAT we choose, that we as parents make the choice. By contrast, families who choose public virtual schools are letting legislators, public officials, school boards, teachers, and others dictate their children's education."- S OURCE LINK

Incidentally, those two sources, the Home School Legal Defense Association and Home Education Magazine, are also at complete philosophical odds against each other. The HSLDA fights for laws that protect homeschooling rights. Home Ed Mag says that homeschooling is already a right and that creating laws implies the state has a right to interfere with or regulate homeschooling. Home Ed Mag is always ripping on the HSLDA, without actually naming them. It's amusing.

Homeschooling is not defined by whether or not you use a curriculum, have your kids attend part-time in a public school band instead of taking private music classes, or use a publicly-funded e-school to teach your kids. It's not about how many field trips you take, how many times you personally teach a lesson, or whether you radically unschool, leaving everything entirely up to your child.

Homeschooling is about HOME. Your home. My home. It's about family love.

Studies of homeschool family demographics have repeatedly shown that even parents with less than a college degree successfully homeschool their children. It must be irritating for public school teachers to know that parents all over the U.S., without teaching degrees, are churning out better performing students than they are, with homeschooler test scores averaging higher than public school students. In fact I'm quite enraged that Bryan is not allowed to get a teaching certificate, even though he has an MA in English and several years of teaching experience. Apparently he needs to study "Education" to be a teacher. I've had ample bad teachers to know that's crap. That's another post for another day, tough. Also, I should point out that if homeschoolers don't take standardized tests, we won't have awesome comparisons like the one I link to above. In fact I wonder what would happen to the numbers if homeschooled children who normally opted out of testing decided to take them.

What I'm getting at here is that unschooled children are largely successful and those homeschooled with a curriculum are largely successful and those homeschooled with their parents literally standing over them while they do worksheets and imitate school at home are largely successful. It's not the curriculum or lack thereof. It's not unschool versus virtual school. It's THE PARENTS. Not their education level or teaching style or homeschooling philosophy, but their COMMITMENT to their children, their LOVE of family, their TOGETHERNESS.

"More than half, 52 percent, of all home-schooled students live in two-parent homes where only one parent works, compared with only 19 percent of those in school. Eighty percent of homeschoolers live in two-parent homes, compared with 66 percent of those in school. Many homeschoolers are reared in strong, stable families where the parents have made a nearly Herculean commitment to their children’s education. Nevertheless, home-schooling families are by no means wealthy; they are largely middle class, with incomes slightly below the national average for all other families." - SOURCE LINK

Funny thing about family involvement - it also improves a public schooled child's chance of success in school. Here's a Harvard Study About That

So where does that leave us?

I've been contemplating a parent partnership program for Connor next year. The program would allow over $800 during the school year to be used either one homeschool supplies/curriculum or classes, including music lessons and gym class. We would also have access to online learning websites for which the program has an account, such as Enchanted Learning, which is one of the greatest educational websites ever created, IMO, and a fun math learning site I bet Connor would enjoy. The catch is that any non-consumable items (crayons are consumable, a book is not consumable) would have to be returned when we were done participating in the program, and that we would be subject to scrutiny. I would have to submit my learning plan for Connor and meet with them in person every 6 weeks. There would be oversight, for certain.

I have a natural mama friend who homeschools her autistic son through this program. She did lament about the horrible experience her son had trying to take an online test, because some of the questions did not have a right answer, and M did not want to just make a best guess or close guess. That is the only complaint I have heard from her. The rest has been a blessing. As a single mom who recently married a man who lives in Canada (and getting citizenship there is a long and expensive process), she raises her two boys alone on a very limited income. She is directly involved with teaching M. She has used her PPP money to buy amazing materials that she would not have been able to buy otherwise, especially good quality art supplies and models. She checks into the program once a week for about ten minutes. When she got M's test results back, he was several grade levels above his grade in both math and reading.

The HSLDA doesn not consider her a homeschooler and would not come to her defense if her rights were violated.

Home Education Magazine would say she "succumbed" to "temptation."

The Washington State Homeschool Organization does not consider her a homeschooler. Another group, the Whatcom Homeschool Association, apparently actively deleted posts and conversations about parent partnership programs from their forum. She cannot use them to ask questions or find support.

The State of Washington itself does not consider her a homeschooler - our state's parent partnership programs make you sign a document stating that you understand that your student becomes a public school student and is thus subject to regulations to which "homeschoolers" are not subjected.

My dear friend is in sort of a homeschool limbo, if she actually cared what other homeschoolers thought. She doesn't - that's one of the things I like about her. She's sassy. She is a fierce defender of her children. She has many creative talents. Her kids like my kids and vice versa.

It is not "homeschool" that makes her kids awesome. It is HER. SHE is connected, supportive, involved. She devotes her days and nights to her children. She deserves the title of HOMESCHOOLER. For nitpicky and paranoid organizations to take that title from her is to devalue her contributions to her children's education.

Further, this quote from a now defunct blog makes an excellent point:
" Inviting parents to be active participants in the child's education and working as a team to customize learning is only bettering our children's future learning opportunities in the public schooling environment." SOURCE LINK

What they see as a threat to homeschool, I see as an improvement on public school. How much better learning would have been for me if I could do it from the safety of my own bedroom instead of at school surrounded by bullies and sexist teachers! So what if it was a virtual school withgv the exact same curriculum? I could take it slow with chemistry and whiz through algebra. I could finish an entire year of English class in a few months and a few months of history class in a year. I could do more learning at night instead of morning, which is when I do my best thinking. It would be only partially customized, but that partial customization would have made all the difference in the world to me.

What could a virtual school at home do for a child stuck by geographic location in an underperforming school system? What about a teenaged mother who needed to do school work around her baby's sleep schedule? Oak Meadow has a Waldorf-inspired curriculum that you can either do at home or with the help of online teachers. Are they better because they aren't run by the state? Are the worse because they involve teachers and a curriculum? Instead of blocking charter schools and parent partnership programs, wouldn't it be better to support them as an alternative to regular public school instead of an alternative to traditional homeschool?

Saying alternative learning programs lead to diminished homeschooling rights is a lot like Bill O'Reilly saying gay marriage would lead to people marrying animals. The term "slippery slope" is overused as an excuse to never compromise, and sometimes to avoid using common sense. There are people who are going to go after homeschooling rights no matter what, the same way there are always people going after homebirths with midwives.

Don't decrease other people's choices in a blind attempt to preserve your own.

Simplifying My Stuffs

2011-06-06T21:48:00.002-07:00

So, I'm trying to carry a heavy back of trash out to the bins, and I decide to carry it on my head. I feel a bit like one of my sisters on the other side of the world, going to the market. I contemplated how she probably wishes she could live more like me, and here I am throwing out stuff and giving stuff away, going through everything room by room, trying to live a little more like her.

I have a salad spinner that spins the water off of my lettuce for me, for Pete's sake.

I have so many possessions that I feel like I'm drowning. What I can't sell, give away or recycle, I am throwing in the trash.

What a stupid way to measure my standard of living!

Every time I take a box to Goodwill, shred old letters into a paper bag for recycling, sell a toy on Craigslist, I turn around and still see nothing but clutter and mayhem. It pulls down on me. I clean one room, and the room I just left becomes the new place for toys, snacks and trash. I go back to clean that one, and it all moves to the room I just cleaned.

We sold over half of everything we owned before we moved here from Utah. Why did we keep what we did? Why didn't we sell more? Why didn't we keep the couch and throw out the congratulatory wedding cards? We did this all wrong.

I bought a used set of drawers from a friend and moved the kids' clothes from the hangers in their closet to drawers they can reach. Now they pick out their own clothes. More importantly, now I know what they prefer to wear when the choice is 100% theirs. It makes me sad to give away the skull and crossbones sweater, but the boy has outgrown it and the girl never picks it.

I can be sentimental or I can clear out the uselessness. I can't do both.

Home is supposed to be the place we run to, not away from. It's supposed to be a sanctuary. We're supposed to feel emotionally safe, physically safe, spiritually nourished, physically nourished.

I'm not creating a home. I'm deconstructing a home. I'm making a peaceful space by tearing the space down and removing parts. I'm not molding an art piece, I'm chiseling one. I'm excavating to find a hidden treasure. I'm ASSUMING there's treasure under all of this. If there isn't, then we start with a clean slate.

25 Ways to Simplify Your Life with Kids

Simplify Your Kids

Reducing Waste: Simplify Your Home

"It’s possible to be happy living in one room with few possessions… or in a mansion filled with the finest of everything. It’s also possible to be miserable in both situations. Lasting happiness comes from relationships and spiritual and emotional fulfillment… it isn’t determined by how much stuff you have, or the process of acquiring it or purging it. The person who has simplified his life isn’t happy because he has less stuff… he is happy because he has achieved inner peace.

There are some very good reasons for purging and decluttering, but compulsive purgers who purge for the purge itself are just as excessively focused on stuff as compulsive shoppers are.

And that is not the path to achieving true and lasting simplicity."

- Choosingvoluntarysimplicity.com

Clutterbusters Before and After Photos
(I'm afraid to say that bedroom number 2 "before" looks a lot like mine right now)

craftynest.com Repurposing category

Herbal First Aid Balm For Sale On Etsy

2011-06-03T15:42:00.001-07:00

I made these as an experiment and they are awesome. The balm really helps my kids' eczema. I carry one around everywhere I go.

I'll be posting how I made them soon. In the meantime, here's the link. Tell your friends!

http://www.etsy.com/listing/75343807/herbal-first-aid-balm-stick

The Goddess of "Never Not Broken"

2011-06-02T20:11:00.001-07:00

I posted a link to this on Facebook and had enough women like it, comment on it, and reshare it that I felt it was important to share it here.

Why Lying Broken in a Pile on Your Bedroom Floor is a Good Idea. ~ Julie (JC) Peters

"The Goddess of never not broken.

You know that feeling when you have just gone through a breakup, or lost your job, and everything is terrible and terrifying and you don’t know what to do, and you find yourself crying in a pile on your bedroom floor, barely able to remember how to use the phone, desperately looking for some sign of God in old letters, or your Facebook newsfeed or on Glee, finding nothing there to comfort you?

Come on, yes you do. We all do.

And there is a goddess from Hindu mythology that teaches us that, in this moment, in this pile on the floor, you are more powerful than you’ve ever been.

This past week, I have been deeply inspired by a talk I heard on the Yoga Teacher Telesummit by Eric Stoneberg on this relatively unknown Goddess from Hindu mythology: Akhilandeshvari.

This figure has snuck up inside me and settled into my bones. She keeps coming out of my mouth every time I teach, and she’s given me so much strength and possibility during a time of change and uncertainty in my own life. I wanted to unpack a little bit about who she is for those that might be, like me, struggling a little bit in that pile on the floor and wondering how the hell to get up again.

The answer, it turns out, is this: in pieces, warrior-style, on the back of a crocodile. Yee ha."

Read the rest here.

Making Your Own Felt Dryer Balls: A Cautionary Tale

2011-05-31T12:24:00.000-07:00

After taking your wool yarn and making a ball, you're supposed to put the ball into a sock and tie it off before throwing it in the wash. This is why:

Yes, those are tangled around my cloth diapers and covers, because that's the only load I ever do on hot.

Also, shut up!!!

Spot The T.A.R.D.I.S. , or, My Strength Is In Trees

2011-05-30T18:00:00.001-07:00

I finished the abstract tree art I wanted for the playroom. In the end, I'm not happy with it. Once I started adding the circles, it went down from there.

What saved it for me was when Connor came up, studied it thoughtfully, and announced that it needed a T.A.R.D.I.S. Of course, he was right. He pointed to a spot on the tree and Bryan added it.

Now, of course, the piece is perfectly US.

Meanwhile, I learned something about myself - I make a pretty good tree. So, I decided to make another abstract tree, this time without any flowers or leaves or mod looking circles.

There are some odd shapes where Deirdre decided to help, but I love it. I put it on the wall in the bedroom so that it is the first thing you see when you stand in the doorway.

I've discovered that I really enjoy the tactile experience of blending pastels. It's almost as therapeutic as writing. Bryan graduates in a few weeks and then we face the unpleasantness of unemployment (believe me - we've been working on alternatives since the moment we found out none of the PhD programs will fund him). But, when we are in a position for "frivolous" expenses again, I would like to get more art paper and a wider range of paints and pastel colors and maybe do one a month, just for the hell of it. I'm no professional, but everyone needs a creative outlet, and this one fills in the gap between the music and the crocheting and the writing...a gap I didn't even know was there until I decided to risk making the tree myself and found out I love it.

Robin Eggs

2011-05-18T20:21:00.000-07:00

We found these on top of the soil pile next to our community garden. We used a light bulb to look inside and then cracked one open to explore the tiny yolk and pretty blue shell.

My Latent Artistic Abilities

2011-05-18T20:11:00.000-07:00

I got tired of waiting for my artist husband to do another tree for me, so I did it myself. The background I did a while ago with watered down acrylics and a wash cloth. The tree is in pastels. I like how it turned out, even though I did smudge it a little too much in some areas.

Animal Mommies For Mother's Day

2011-05-08T13:38:00.000-07:00

I Liked Having Her In My Life

2011-05-07T18:25:00.000-07:00

I felt inspired by a friend's blog to answer the question, what do I hope people will say about me at my funeral? I liked reading her entire post. Her answers were wonderful. When I answered the question myself, however, I found I could actually sum it up in one short sentence. I want people to be happy I was in their lives.

When I spoke at my father's funeral, I was the only one of my sisters able to do it. I said something that needed to be said because it seemed odd to me that the sister the least close to our dad was the one memorializing him in front of over a hundred funeral attendants. I said "My dad and I didn't always get along." It's true. We didn't. We loved each other - I know he loved me fiercely. But we did not get one another at all. It was hard.

I don't want my kids to say that about me. I want them to say "Mom was awesome. I liked having her as my mom."

And my husband? "I was better off with her than without her. I'm glad I chose her."

And my friends? "My life would have been a little 'less" without her."

I say this because I have people in my life (and some who aren't in it anymore) with whom a relationship was a lot of effort. I have people I care about and want to keep in my life but I really have to work at it in order to do it. We all have people like that, either because we feel devoted to family no matter how they treat us or we treat them, employers in jobs we never want to leave, friends on different paths from us but we've known them for so long we go out of our way to find common ground with them because we love them and don't want to see them go. It's not that they drain us, necessarily, but the relationship sometimes pinches a little. I know I am that person to some people. I know which friendships are effortless and which ones take a little work. Some of them are worth keeping and some aren't.

I know there will be people who, in the end, will be glad we were friends, and liked knowing me.

But there are also people in my life that were just fun and awesome the whole ride. People who are just super easy to love. I hope, at the end of my life, it turns out I was that person for some other people. I hope at least a few say, "she was just awesome my whole life."

And if there's two things I hope people say about me, the second thing should be, "she did more good than bad and thus helped bring balance to the force."

Here's some pygmy hippos for no reason.

Catching Up With Home Schooling

2011-05-06T20:16:00.000-07:00

Now that the baby is getting older and I'm feeling fully recovered from the surgery, we are slowly getting back into the swing of things as far as home school is concerned.

This is our alphabet wall in the play room. About once a week (or every two weeks, we're not that structured yet) we introduce a new letter to the kids. Mommy draws outlines of the letters and we use different forms of art to decorate them - sometimes glitter, sometimes tissue paper, sometimes colored rice, sometimes paint.

Next, Daddy draws them a character whose name begins with our letter. Anakin Skywalker for A, Dora for D, Indiana Jones for I. We spend the next week or so pointing out that letter in books, on signs, etc.

We have a small group we get together with for spring related activities. Here we are learning wet felting to make eggs.

We also took a bird walk with our group. We have a red tail hawk's nest in the trees near our community garden.

Here we are rolling out air-dry dough to make nests. That's Megashark VS Crocosaurus playing in the background. Our "school" rocks.

We used sticks and yarn with the clay to make nests.

Dalek math! The evil Dalek peg people want to use radioactive frog counters to destroy the world, but first the need to know how many they have! We used our Base Ten math manipulatives to practice counting by tens.

Here a friend helps us with the garden. We also have indoor plants and seed starting activities.

One of our new pets, Hawthorne. We also got him a buddy we named Eugene H Krabs.

Our tiny little caterpillars. They've already changed into butterflies. I'll have to get current pics.

And, of course, the kids' favorite way to learn. Here Deirdre has looked up pictures of Dora The Explorer by spelling and typing "Dora" by herself. Connor has already memorized how to spell over ten words this way, including Batman, Hellboy, Killer Croc and Shark. We write the words down on paper for them to type in, or call the letters from across the room, and they like to look up pictures and videos. They also have favorite game websites bookmarked (yep, they bookmarked them. I didn't even know you could drag a window up top your toolbar to save it until Connor did it one day). They had their own old laptop for a while until it died. We're working on getting them another one.

Relaxed, Holistic Educational Model and Superior Test Results: Welcome to Finland

2011-05-05T14:03:00.000-07:00

Excerpts from an article I just read and love:

"Spring may be just around the corner in this poor part of Helsinki known as the Deep East, but the ground is still mostly snow-covered and the air has a dry, cold bite. In a clearing outside the Kallahti Comprehensive School, a handful of 9-year-olds are sitting back to back, arranging sticks, pinecones, stones and berries into shapes on the frozen ground. The arrangers will then have to describe these shapes using geometric terms so the kids who can't see them can say what they are.

"It's a different way of conceptualizing math when you do it this way instead of using pen and paper, and it goes straight to the brain," says Veli-Matti Harjula, who teaches the same group of children straight through from third to sixth grade. Educators in Sweden, not Finland, came up with the concept of "outside math," but Harjula didn't have to get anybody's approval to borrow it. He can pretty much do whatever he wants, provided that his students meet the very general objectives of the core curriculum set by Finland's National Board of Education. For math, the latest national core curriculum runs just under 10 pages (up from 3½ pages for the previous core curriculum).

The Finns are as surprised as much as anyone else that they have recently emerged as the new rock stars of global education. It surprises them because they do as little measuring and testing as they can get away with. They just don't believe it does much good. They did, however, decide to participate in the Program for International Student Assessment (PISA), run by the Organisation for Economic Co-operation and Development (OECD). And to put it in a way that would make the noncompetitive Finns cringe, they kicked major butt. The Finns have participated in the global survey four times and have usually placed among the top three finishers in reading, math and science.

In the latest PISA survey, in 2009, Finland placed second in science literacy, third in mathematics and second in reading. The U.S. came in 15th in reading, close to the OECD average, which is where most of the U.S.'s results fell"

After Our Nap, We Shall Reveal Ourselves To The Jedi

2011-05-02T06:28:00.000-07:00

Reminds Me of Moira....

2011-04-30T00:49:00.000-07:00

"Violence does not teach"

2011-04-18T18:46:00.000-07:00

"An ancient Buddhist scripture says, "The mind does not find peace, nor does it enjoy pleasure and joy, nor does it find sleep or fortitude when the thorn of hatred dwells in the heart." Hate is a wound. Hate is the product of a rift in our own being. If the wound is repaired, hate has no use.

Clinical research refutes the widespread notion that blows from open hands, paddles, switches, hairbrushes, wooden spoons, or belts teaches children how to distinguish right from wrong or the meaning of respect. In fact, the research shows the opposite. Violence does not heal; it is not meant to.

Real discipline is not to be confused with mere obedience to physical strength. That might be a good way to prepare children for life in an authoritarian society, but what if we want to raise autonomous and happy adults who love themselves and others? What if we want our young ones to aspire to something more than surviving childhood"

Violence does not teach (Click Here To Read More)
By Algernon D'Ammassa
The Deming Headlight, April 4, 2011

Speechless

2011-04-17T12:51:00.002-07:00

"When Did Girls Start Wearing Pink?"

2011-04-14T01:18:00.000-07:00

http://www.smithsonianmag.com/multimedia/photos/?c=y&articleID=119483704

This is an interesting slide show of historic photographs showing that for many decades young children were all dressed in dresses and frilly hats to simplify dressing. The first photo, in fact, is a delightful photograph of Franklin Roosevelt in a dress, curled blond hair, shiny shoes and a frilly hat. They are samples from a book titled Pink and Blue: Telling the Girls From the Boys in America, by Jo B. Paoletti, a historian at the University of Maryland.

Several weeks ago I was in a discussion with some other mothers about color, toys and gender, so I found these photos to be especially telling.

Three excerpts from an article about the book:

"“It’s really a story of what happened to neutral clothing,” says Paoletti, who has explored the meaning of children’s clothing for 30 years. For centuries, she says, children wore dainty white dresses up to age 6. “What was once a matter of practicality—you dress your baby in white dresses and diapers; white cotton can be bleached—became a matter of ‘Oh my God, if I dress my baby in the wrong thing, they’ll grow up perverted,’ ” Paoletti says."

"For example, a Ladies’ Home Journal article in June 1918 said, “The generally accepted rule is pink for the boys, and blue for the girls. The reason is that pink, being a more decided and stronger color, is more suitable for the boy, while blue, which is more delicate and dainty, is prettier for the girl.” Other sources said blue was flattering for blonds, pink for brunettes; or blue was for blue-eyed babies, pink for brown-eyed babies, according to Paoletti."

“There is a whole community out there of parents and kids who are struggling with ‘My son really doesn’t want to wear boy clothes, prefers to wear girl clothes.’ ” She hopes one audience for her book will be people who study gender clinically. The fashion world may have divided children into pink and blue, but in the world of real individuals, not all is black and white."

I don't really have anything to add to this other than that I've been mulling it all over in my head for quite some time so I found these pictures timely.

By the time she spanks, it is the mom’s second misbehavior...

2011-04-10T14:49:00.000-07:00

"By the time she spanks, it is the mom’s second misbehavior. The first is whatever she did or did not do to cause the child to “misbehave.” A 15-month-old or a 3-year-old may be curious, impatient, goading, erring, attention-seeking and cuddle-requiring. But children are never really “bad” until parents mistreat them or teach them bad behavior. The mom or dad who is so threatened by a 2-year-old’s attempts at demonstrating a little autonomy that they would need to spank should take lessons in self-esteem.

YOU, as the parent, are so unquestionably in charge, you don’t need to lord it over a baby. Instead of a “time out,” what is needed in the case of a child who is acting out is a “time in,” where the parent pays attention to the “naughty” child giving it the love that its “misbehavior” is actually crying for."

Spanking is the second mistake
By Leslie Cabarga
Ventura County Online, April 7, 2011

Real Grass For Our Nature Table

2011-04-04T15:15:00.000-07:00

I bought a small bag of lawn grass and sprouted it in a tray under my grow light. It is not thick, but still tall and fun and now joyously taking over our nature table.

Here, Deirdre and BatConnor have brought in their Schleich animals for some nature play.

That rock on the right is our General Grievous rock. We painted rocks one day and Daddy drew them each a character. Deirdre's has Dora on it.

Not shown - our baby caterpillars arrived 30 minutes after I took these pictures. We had so much fun the last time we raised butterflies, we knew we had to do it again once spring arrived. They now have a home on the nature table until they're ready to move to the Butterfly Pavilion.

Cartoonist Scott Adams Does Not Think Highly of My "Pussy"

2011-03-26T01:31:00.000-07:00

Scott Adams, infamous creator of the comic strip Dilbert, posted something on his blog today that so enraged the blogosphere he decided to take it down. Sort of. he didn't take it down because he felt bad or changed his mind. He took it down because we under-educated masses misunderstood his highly intelligent treatise on male discrimination.

If you CLICK HERE ON THIS LINK you can see a nice rundown of his post, including commentary from a feminist blogger. That's not the most amusing part, though to be sure his "I'm a poor white male getting dumped on for no reason" BS is certainly a thrill. The amusing part is the comment he then left on this blog, comment number 24, explaining that those of us who are offended by his original post have poor reading comprehension skills.

"That’s the reason the original blog was pulled down. All writing is designed for specific readers. This piece was designed for regular readers of The Scott Adams blog. That group has an unusually high reading comprehension level.

In this case, the content of the piece inspires so much emotion in some readers that they literally can’t understand it. The same would be true if the topic were about gun ownership or a dozen other topics. As emotion increases, reading comprehension decreases. This would be true of anyone, but regular readers of the Dilbert blog are pretty far along the bell curve toward rational thought, and relatively immune to emotional distortion."

Now, let me explain to you, Mr. Adams, and my regular readers, why you are a jackass.

This excerpt here from your original post tells me all I need to know about you:

"Now I would like to speak directly to my male readers who feel unjustly treated by the widespread suppression of men’s rights:

Get over it, you bunch of pussies."

Yes, ladies and gentleman, when you feel whiny or bitter about something, that makes you female genitalia. The world is just the way it is, and you just have to accept it, you soft, weak, crybaby girl flesh. Man up. Grow a pair. Testicles make you emotionally strong, and give you above average reading comprehension skills. Vulvas are sissies.

Meet me over at Camera Three, Scott Adams.

I don't know what "pussies" you've been hanging out with, but the "pussies" I know belong to amazingly powerful women who birth entire human beings through them. They bring their "pussies" to work where they own and manage their own businesses, create stunning art, music and literature, climb mountains, play sports, and even go to war in the Middle East.

They carry their babies on their backs, teach their children math and science, change their own tires and engine oil, and drive huge delivery trucks. The renovate their own homes and landscape their own land. They major in medicine, engineering, biology, and mathematics. They play soccer and basketball and baseball, as well as dance ballet, teach yoga classes and run marathons. They beat life threatening diseases, including cancer. They even open jars and lift heavy objects.

These are all women in my circle whom I know personally, and they somehow manage to accomplish these things accompanied by their strong, beautiful "pussies."

I'm not even going to bother analyzing the rest of your post. It speaks volumes on its own.

Here's a LINK TO THAT POST in its entirety. For kicks and giggles.

Sabbath Inspiration

2011-03-13T14:12:00.002-07:00

"Choose to align yourself with people who are like-minded in their search for simplified inspiration. Give those who find fault or who are confrontational a silent blessing and remove yourself from their energy as quickly as possible. Your life is simplified enormously when you don’t have to defend yourself to anyone, and when you receive support rather than criticism."

- Dr. Wayne Dyer

Meanwhile, In Ireland.....

2011-03-12T04:33:00.000-07:00

"In Ireland, at birth we don't get the tip of our ing knobs chopped off! I ing completely disagree with that. People say it's cleaner to have no foreskin? What, have you never heard of a ing shower?" ~Colin Farrell

Using My Powers For Good As Well As Evil

2011-03-01T22:58:00.000-07:00

I got this message from a Facebook friend today. I've known this daddy for well over two decades.

"Just wanted you to know that i used to spank my kids. not that often, but sometimes.

However, you helped me get over myself and cut that out mostly. i don't remember where it came from, but we were arguing about something on facebook and i realized you had a good point about it. I don't agree that NO spanking EVER is the way to go (sorry, not yet), because i think my kids need a smack on the butt if they're committing some especially grievous sins, like disrespecting their mother (which is rare, and they KNOW that it's lights out when that happens)

However, after i had that realization i decided to put a moratorium on it for awhile. i am a pretty introspective guy, and after awhile i realized i was spanking more for myself then for them. i felt awful. i also realized that sometimes when i spanked i ended up defending the wrong side, stuff like that.

anyways, i see the error in my ways, to a certain extent. i now tell people that i believe in the laying on of hands, but i am not a practicing believer.... =)

so, i wanted to say thanks for being persistent. i'm sure you know that we disagree on many things. however, i am not so shallow or proud that i can't change my behavior for the better when i think it's warranted, and you helped me make a change in that small way. i appreciate that.

i read a lot of stupid crap on facebook. most of it is cotton candy, so i do appreciate your intense love for your kids.

have a nice day!"

That makes up for some of the other, less uplifting messages I've received last week. It always feels amazing to know that my posts and comments and things helped someone think differently about their approach to their cuddlies. The next time someone tells me I'm just in it to force everyone to think my way, I'm going to re-read this and think, totally worth it.

Circumcision Flow Chart - Should I Circumcise My Newborn Son?

2011-02-26T14:53:00.001-07:00

Speaking of Mothering Magazine....

2011-02-24T18:12:00.000-07:00

For those who haven't heard, Mothering Magazine is no longer in print. They bare an online magazine only as of January.

I have a box of about 30 or so of them that I was about to send via media mail to a pregnant mama I know, but because of a series of recent events, I am no longer mailing them to her. They're sitting in a box ready to be shipped. The estimate I got online was only $5 or $6. They span about 10 years. Some are in better condition than others. If anyone wants them for the price of shipping, let me know. It will probably be a week or more before I psyche myself up to going to the post office. For some reason the post office freaks me out so I only go every couple of months.

If you are interested, shoot me a message (you should be able to send me a message through my profile page) and I'll send you my paypal ID.

Being Pro-Us Doesn't Make Us Anti-You

2011-02-24T00:47:00.001-07:00

I have friends who smoke. Close friends. Friends I love. I think smoking is a disgusting, idiotic thing to do. That is not the same as thinking my friends who smoke are idiots. In fact, I used to smoke. Not for as many years as some of my friends, but enough to know it's freakin' hard to quit. So yeah, I hate smoking. I don't think smokers should have the right to smoke anywhere they want, especially near playgrounds. That REALLY PISSES ME OFF when people smoke around playgrounds. But I still love and respect my friends who smoke. I don't call them names or lecture them whenever one takes a smoking break. I raise an eyebrow when I see someone smoking in a car with kids in the backseat. But I've never pulled up next to that car, pointed to that person, and told them they are a prick for smoking around their kids. Just as long as they aren't smoking around mine...

This brings me to my main point - having a strong, unwavering opinion about something, especially something backed by peer reviewed research, does not make me narrow-minded and judgmental. And neither does blogging about it. Saying something is barbaric isn't the same as saying you are a barbarian. Saying something is disgusting isn't the same as saying you are disgusting. Saying something is proven to be healthy doesn't mean I think you are bad if you don't do that thing.

I've been playing around the parenting blogosphere and commiserating with a common problem we all have - that by defending our parenting choices (why we don't vaccinate, why we homeschool) or advocating for our parenting choices (why extended breastfeeding is good for toddlers, why we still share our bed with our preschoolers), the assumption made by many readers is that we must also mean other parents are bad for not making the same choices we did.

The blog "Mom's Tinfoil Hat" has a Mommy Wars bingo game card, and this is the middle square: "“By defending YOUR parenting priorities (breastfeeding, natural foods, no TV) you are attacking mine!!!”

That is often how the wars begin. A mommy posts about how homebirth is just as safe as hospital birth and someone assumes that means she thinks everyone should have a homebirth. Another posts about the amazing content of breastmilk and someone thinks that since she couldn't breastfeed, the blogger thinks she is a failure or didn't try hard enough. Someone posts about the failures of the public school system, so someone else gets upset because she is not in a position to homeschool or send her kids to private school and the blogger obviously didn't take her feelings into consideration when she posted facts about public school versus homeschool test scores.

A popular natural parenting blog called PhD in Parenting has a post on this topic that also uses smoking as an example. I want you to know I came up with the smoking analogy in the car an hour ago before reading her post. It's a good one. At any rate, the entire post is poignant and worth reading, but I quote a bit of it here:

"When it comes to something like infant feeding (breast or formula), discipline (spanking or punishment versus gentle discipline), sleep (cry it out versus parent to sleep), there are people who say “Do whatever is best for your family. No one way is better than the other”. But there are also people who believe, based on considered choice or societal influence, that one way is better than the other. There are some parenting issues where I think each family should do what is best for them. There are other parenting issues where I feel there is a better way to do things and I will advocate for the better way. It doesn’t mean I’m judging you if you can’t live up to my ideal. In fact, I may not always live up to my ideal (I don’t think it is a good idea to scream at children, but I sometimes scream at mine). But I do want to change your mind if you think differently....

...I’m not expecting people to never be offended by anything I say. But I am asking people to respect my right to have an opinion on a topic and not equate it to judging people who have different opinions on that topic. I may think they made bad choices, I may think they could have done things differently, I may think I made a better choice. But it doesn’t mean I think they are bad parents or bad human beings.

So when people say “don’t judge me” what I really hear is:

I don’t want you to try to change my mind, it is what it is, I am resentful of hearing anything that might suggest I am less than perfect, and I think my world is just fine as it is.

If that is the way you feel, this blog may not be the place for you. This blog is about improving ourselves, inspiring change, evolving our culture, chipping away at the kyriarchy, and nudging society in a new direction. That doesn’t mean that I will always get it 100% right (I’m not perfect after all), but I will try to push the envelope and challenge the status quo. I do welcome you to challenge my opinion in the comments, but please expect a dialogue and a debate. As for the “don’t judge me” requests:

Relax, I’m probably not judging you and if I am, it is for a damn good reason."

You should just go read the whole post. I love it and wish I had written it first.

The flip side of this, of course, is when we are blasted, not for being judgmental, but for ourselves making a choice someone else thinks is harmful or stupid.

Sometimes that comes as a well-thought out though misinformed argument. "I don't think you are adequately taking into consideration that by not vaccinating your children you might be putting other children's health and lives at risk."

Then the dialogue is open and I can discuss the evidence for why that isn't true, and hopefully they can rest assured the unvaccinated kid in their kid's preschool is not a walking time bomb ready to spread whooping cough and HiB at a moment's notice.

And sometimes they don't even try.

"Ur a fuckin' bitch. Ur kids r going to spread diseases and kill babies. Morons like u shouldn't b allowed to b parents."

That's when I know we aren't going to have an actual discussion and that I shouldn't even bother. Or if I'm feeling contrary I dish it right back. I'm not likely to be gentle if someone starts out by insulting me personally right off the bat.

This is why I generally do not try to use that tactic, myself. I'm trying to persuade people to look at things differently. I can't persuade someone if they think I think they are stupid or crazy or diabolical. No amount of actual evidence or clever wording is going to make a single difference.

However, I am not going to withhold a fact because that fact might hurt someone's feelings. Facts don't judge, they just are. I think it is useless and potentially dangerous to get mad at facts that contradict us or demand that facts that make us feel bad about ourselves stop existing.

It is a fact that mothers are 3 times more likely to die during a cesarean section than during vaginal birth. That is what it is. I had three c-sections. That is not what I wanted. am sad that I could not give birth without my liver and kidneys starting to fail. I do not turn around on homebirthers and tell them they make me feel bad by saying we should avoid c-sections whenever possible. They are right - we should. My experience is outside of the norm and as such does not define the norm, and there's no reason for me to feel attacked or judged by people advocating for less c-sections. In fact, I am right up there angry about all these c-sections precisely because I had one. It's no walk in the park to recover from major abdominal surgery. Maternal mortality rates in the United States are shameful. Being the exception to the rule doesn't mean I can't advocate for the rule, and it would be idiocy to try and change the rule based on my experience.

My homebirth attempts sucked. It would, in fact, make me a bitch if I then turned around and started campaigning against homebirth. Rewriting homebirth safety and reality would not end up making me feel better and would only hurt other mothers.

We cannot withhold facts for fear of offending
because the importance of the information
outweighs people's right to not be challenged in their beliefs.
~ Maddy Reid

I blog about things I feel strongly about. I get my mind set on something and then I'm off like a butterfly, from flower to flower, soaking up all I can on that topic until I feel satisfied, possibly in one day, possibly after several years. I start conversations about it. I find videos on it. I visit other people's links on it. I don't post anything to make someone feel bad or say "nyah nyah nyah, I'm right, you're wrong.". I post to say, "hey, this made me think, it might interest you too, since we're on this topic." (and then sometimes I post something just so we can all laugh our heads off)

The people I interact with most frequently on Facebook or through blogs are the same - hey, I found this article about fluoride in water. I know this topic interests some of my friends, so here goes." The next thing I know, six or seven friends have posted the same article, and we are all talking about it. Someone comes along a book about the topic, another will find a video. We don't even know how the conversation got started anymore. We are taking the idea and pulling it in different directions until we feel "done."

Sometimes that happens here, too. I might post about something, then search my friends' blogs for what they had to say about it. Suddenly it's my old playgroup again - we're together in my living room sharing advice and ideas. Something, somewhere, got the spark going - and then we're off.

I cannot think of a single article, or video, or picture I have ever posted where I though, "gee, I hope so and so sees this because she is an awful mom and this might set her straight." I can only think of a few I ever posted where I thought, "People who do this are gross and evil." My recent post about Tiger Moms comes to mind - I think it's pretty evil to call your kids insulting names.

Mostly, though, none of us are out to get anyone. Our true friends know this. They know who we are inside and what our intentions are. People who constantly question our motives get exhausting after a while. Once you make up your mind that I am judgmental mean, naive, stupid, or delusional, there is nothing I can do to fix that or change your mind. You will think that regardless of the evidence I present to the contrary. You will have me walking on eggshells, wondering if this is the post that is going to get me shot down. Or maybe it's this one. No, you all liked that one? Surely not the next one - wow, that was unexpected, everyone jumped bit my head off on that. I can't go around wondering who is going to be hurt or not hurt every time I say, write or post something, because there is no real way to predict that, short of reading minds.

Almost all of us are motivated by two things - how to minimize the suffering of babies and children, and how to create more harmony in our relationships with our babies, our communities, our families, and ourselves. Of course we are going to seek out other people who feel the same way we do. Of course we get exited when we find something that fits one or both of those categories. You bet we want to take as many people as possible on the ride with us. If you have evidence that your way is better for reaching those goals, of course we want to hear it. If we have evidence that our way is better for achieving those goals, of course we want to tell it. In some cases, we want to shout it. Sometimes, we'll even mark it on a protest sign and rally for it. Being pro-us doesn't make us anti-you.

If I am ever anti-you, you won't have to wonder. You will know.

"How can we advocate for birthing and parenting practices that have proven benefits without making parents who have not achieved them feel denigrated? How, for example, do we discuss the overuse of cesarean delivery without making the one-fifth to one-quarter of us who've had one feel bad, or promote extended breastfeeding without seeming to blame women who haven't been able to do it?

I suggest that the answer lies in achieving a certain perspective. This perspective starts from the premise that each of us does the best she can—given the particulars of our knowledge base, resources, support system, and the circumstances in which we find ourselves (and which we often cannot fully control). No one should ever allow herself to feel judged inadequate for doing the best she could, or the best she knew at the time of choosing. But we must also note that because our knowledge base is one of the keys in our decision-making process, it is absolutely appropriate that every effort be made to disseminate good information as widely as possible—never to blame people for past choices or idiosyncratic situations, but to get good facts out to whoever needs and can use them." - By Louise Rachel (click here to read more)

Escaping To My Happy Place

In Memory of Martin Luther King, Jr.

"School ADD Isn’t Homeschool ADD" by Laura Grace Weldon

One Main Reason I Am No Longer Conservative

Not Enough?

Hormone Birth Control Inhibits Ovulation, Implantation, Sperm Happiness, or All Three

How Do Mini Pills Work?

Protect Your Baby Boys, Mamas!!!!!

Happy 12th Anniversary, BABY!!!

Unfinished

SIDS: The Latest Research on How Sleeping With Your Baby is Safe

Tigger Was Breastfed

"Wall Street Isn't Winning – It's Cheating"

The Magical America Where Everyone Has One Job

Occupy Wall Street In Under One Minute

Magic Umbilical Cords, by elfanie

SURVEY: Why Do You No Longer Believe That The LDS Church is the True Church?

Occupy Wall Street Protesters Are Parasites

"Smugglers of the Labyrinth"

Birthing in Zion: A directory of LDS birth workers

Inspiration For Your School Day

...the natural weaning age for humans is between two and seven years...

A Daddy's View On Attachment Parenting

Bryan Terry via Sharon WestIf a monkey is smart enough to babywear without suffocating the little one, you can too. After all, you're smarter than a monkey, aren't you?

I Am Now On Pinterest

Playing With Color Palette Generator

lol jk!

A Montessori/Waldorf-y Blog You Should Read Right Now

Do Not Feed The Trolls: A Public Service Announcement

For Attachment Parenting Christians

So many religious "experts" now offer inflexible childrearing advice. But can any of us truly know God's will? And which do you trust: your teacher or your heart?

A philosophy of parenting modeled after the self-donative love exemplified in the relationship between Mary and Jesus."

"What Is Attachment Parenting."

It's Fun To Take Shots At People With Chemical Imbalances

In Celebration of Survival, And of Purpose

A Poem About Blackberries

Evenflo Took The Video Down

"The ‘working poor’…are in fact the major philanthropists of our society."

F*** You, Evenflo!!`

Dear President Barack Obama

How You Can Help Me With My Garden

I Am Posting This On My Wall RIGHT NOW

Anyone Know How To Fix This Bike?

So, What Say You?

The Alisa Post, Episode 1: Get Yer Freak On

Homemaking and Decor

By Alicia Bayer, Mankato Attachment Parenting Examiner

"A new study released this week in the Journal of the American Medical Association links low serotonin levels with Sudden Infant Death Syndrome (SIDS) and helps explain why co-sleeping and other Attachment Parenting practices are linked with lower SIDS rates...

Another practice linked to lower SIDS rates is co-sleeping, which has also been shown to cut SIDS rates in half for infants between three and six months of age.

"A kick ass post about kick ass women who make kick ass stuff while kicking ass" - Bryan

An Apology to Chris Brown

If I had my own magazine, what would it look like?

Inspirational Quote of The Day

"Children have a drive to love other people and to be a contribution to the people around them. Misbehavior in children is an attempt to communicate, when all else has failed." - The Kids Project brochure

The Stalking Is Love!

Inspirational Quote of the Year

"Before you diagnose yourself with depression or low self esteem, first make sure that you are not, in fact, just surrounding yourself with assholes." - William Gibson

The Kids Attend Their First Gay Pride Parade

"Choose Joy. Call Bullshit On The Rest."

Baby In a Back Carry

Gaining Weight On Oatmeal and Losing Weight On Butter

In Which My Religious Beliefs Take a Turn, And Natural Family Life Takes Precedence

Homeschool, Fly Lady Style: I Shined My Sink Like a Mother &%$#%$! Champion

For Those of You Who Like Books, Horror Movies, Bryan, or all 3...

Babies Can Recall Emotional Events

"Am I Pretty Now?"

Meanwhile, In Australia...

The War Over Homeschool: Who Is Taking Choices Away From Whom??

What is HSLDA’s Position on Charter Schools?

Simplifying My Stuffs

25 Ways to Simplify Your Life with Kids

Simplify Your Kids

Reducing Waste: Simplify Your Home

There are some very good reasons for purging and decluttering, but compulsive purgers who purge for the purge itself are just as excessively focused on stuff as compulsive shoppers are.

Herbal First Aid Balm For Sale On Etsy

The Goddess of "Never Not Broken"

Why Lying Broken in a Pile on Your Bedroom Floor is a Good Idea. ~ Julie (JC) Peters

"The Goddess of never not broken.

Making Your Own Felt Dryer Balls: A Cautionary Tale

Spot The T.A.R.D.I.S. , or, My Strength Is In Trees

Bryan Terry via Sharon West
If a monkey is smart enough to babywear without suffocating the little one, you can too. After all, you're smarter than a monkey, aren't you?

"In Ireland, at birth we don't get the tip of our ing knobs chopped off! I ing completely disagree with that. People say it's cleaner to have no foreskin? What, have you never heard of a ing shower?" ~Colin Farrell