Tandem Nursing Sucks! But I Do It Anyway. Co-Sleeping, However, Is Awesome!

Not only do I not like nursing both my baby and my toddler, it turns out that no one in my Attachment Parenting group likes it, either. In fact, two of them just weaned their preschoolers so they only have one to nurse instead of two (and they took them to Build a Bear to celebrate). It's just EXHAUSTING! So why am I still doing it?

1. I believe that this, coupled with both kids in our bed with us each night, is why Connor loves his sister. He holds her hand and strokes her head while they nurse. He feels no competition with her. I can count on one hand the number of times he has been openly hostile toward her. The new baby did not and does not really disrupt his life. They are starting to get into tiffs over toys, but Deirdre usually starts it. She's surprisingly forceful for a nine month old. But the point is, a lot of moms said that nursing both children a the same time helped create a bond between them, and it has certainly been true for my children.

2. My milk continues to provide him with over 50% of his nutritional needs and gives him added immunity.

3. It's still the easiest way to get him to fall asleep, though Bryan has been able to lie with him and tell him stories until he drifts off.

I've been slowly night weaning him. He's just a completely different child from Deirdre, who has slept better than him since she was born. He needs more reassurances. She likes to sleep separate from me (or sometimes perpendicular to me, using my tummy as a pillow and dad's tummy as a foot rest), and he likes to sleep completely wrapped around me. He's always been what Dr Sears calles a "high needs" child. That connection is extremely important to him.

And I still nurse him because I've decided those benefits outweigh the irritations.

As for co-sleeping, he has a toddler bed set up next to my side of the bed and he has been spending about 1/3 to 1/2 of the night in there. When he wakes up, he slides over to my side and wraps himself around me. Usually he tries to nurse and I've ben able to just cuddle him and tell him "no, mommy's breasts are night-night. You can have some sips in the morning." The only downside to that is that if he wakes up and the sun is up, he points out the window and says "it's light out" and demands to nurse. Still, I am getting more sleep than I used to.

As for the bedsharing itself, it is my most favorite part of parenting and always has been. A few months ago, Deirdre was having a hard time falling asleep. Connor leaned over me, his eyes still closed, and started stroking her cheek, saying "Oh, Deedah.....Oh, Deedah..." until she drifted off. Then he rolled back over and started snoring. It was one of my most favorite parenting moments. I love reading time on the bed with Daddy, and nursing both kids into a yummy sleep while Bryan and I read or talk, and then listening to their little sleep sounds as we both drift off. I love waking up to Deirdre's giggles, and Connor's "Hi, Mommy! Hi Deedah!" I love not having to even open my eyes when Deirdre wants to nurse.

And, the big thing - Connor still has night terrors. The one time I tried to just sing him back to sleep instead of picking him up, he started running around the apartment, screaming. It took us over an hour to get him back to sleep. He sits up, opens his eyes, and just cries, but he's not really awake, so even if I tell him, "Connor, I'm here!" he keeps crying out for me. I can't imagine making him sleep across the house. 50% of the time I can cuddle him and making "shhhh" sounds in his ear and he falls right back to sleep, and the whole incident is over in just a few minutes. I couldn't do that if he wasn't right there beside me.

We figure eventually he is going to reach an age where he wants his own room. In the meantime, it's one big family slumber party each night, and the room we would have used as his is the toy room (huzzah for toy rooms!).