I took this photograph just a few months before Connor turned 4.
It was not my original intention to breastfeed a preschooler. My initial plan was to breastfeed all my children until they turned 2, because that is when a child's own nervous system is finally complete. I would provide much needed nutrition and anti-bodies until then.
From Kellymom.com:
In the second year (12-23 months), 448 mL of breastmilk provides:
29% of energy requirements
43% of protein requirements
36% of calcium requirements
75% of vitamin A requirements
76% of folate requirements
94% of vitamin B12 requirements
60% of vitamin C requirements
And there's a whole lot more about the increased fat content and reduced illnesses on Kellymom's
Extended Breastfeeding Fact Sheet.
But that's not why I'm writing this post. I'm writing this post to share my breastfeeding story, not argue the benefits of breastfeeding, which are many and undisputable.
Connor and I got off to a rocky start because of a hospital "lactation consultant" that handed me a nipple shield instead of actual usefull advice on breastfeeding. For 4 months, we were on that stupid shield. He would not breastfeed without it. If I was caught on an errand without it, the screaming would get worse and worse until I got home and found one. If I couldn't find it in the middle of the night, there was violence.
All the consultant really needed to tell me was that I was engorged and should pump a little, and be patient because Connor was drugged up on c-section anesthesia and would take several days to really get going.
Finally getting Connor off the nipple shield was a life-saver, because then it only took him 20 minutes to breastfeed instead of 45. Nipple shields are not efficient. They're good if you need them, but they are second best.
When Connor was 14 months old, our breastfeeding relationship hit another snag - I became unexpectedly pregnant. My menstruation had returned once, 5 months prior, so I didn't even know I was ovulating. My nipples became sore, and I felt nauseated every time Connor breastfed. So, I tried to cut him back. This engraged him.
I took him to a playground at my sister's townhome complex one afternoon and he was particularly ornery. My sister said, "I don't think I've ever seen Connor in a bad mood before." That was very poignant. Breaking off Connor before he was ready had a major impact on his personality, and it was noticeable to other people. He also stopped listening to us as much, and had temper tantrums when he hadn't had them before. Denying him access to my breast was a serious breach of trust.
In the middle of my pregnancy, my milk dried up. To compensate, Connor would lie next to me with a sippy cup of rice milk. He suckled a breast, then sipped from his cup, then suckles a breast, then sipped from a cup. Once the child can ask for it, it's time to wean? After a year, it's only for the mother? Nothing could be farther from the truth. Besides the documented nutritional benefits of extended breastfeeding, Connor had a deep emotional need to still suckle at his mother's breast. Cutting him off was the selfish thing, not the other way around.
When my colostrum came in a month before Deirdre was born, Connor suddenly looked up from my breast, smiled, and said "Yummy!"
When Deirdre was born, I often breastfed them simultaneously, and Connor would stroke Deirdre's head and cheek, and when she was old enough, she started to hold his hand and smile at him. At night, I had one child in one arm and one in the other. I won't lie - this was not comfortable for me. But, both children would fall asleep within 10-15 minutes, and there was almost no crying in the night.
Bryan and I know that the continuation of breastfeeding and cosleeping for Connor helped him bond with his sister instead of compete with her. he adored her. Still does.
At 2-1/2 years I finally starting night-weaning Connor. It was a slow process aided by the book "The No-Cry Sleep Solution." I started by timing the breastfeeding sessions, and then slowly made them shorter and shorter, until I was only nursing Connor once before bedtime and once in the morning, except when he was sick.
On his 3rd birthday, I decided that it was exhausting to breastfeed two active children and it was time to wean Connor.
I breastfeed him for the "last" time before bed on his birthday, and told him this would be the last time. And he was fine with it, which surprised me.
Then one week later, he became very sick.
A few weeks later, he was losing weight and had dark circles under his eyes.
After his third bout of illness in only two months, I breastfed him. He lost the dark circles and remained healthy for the rest of the winter.
I tried pumping milk and putting it in a cup, but he wouldn't drink it that way. I even added chocolate syrup. he wanted mommy or none at all. Our compromise was, once before bed, and once in the morning. He stayed healthier.
A few months before his 4th birthday last November, I started resenting him breastfeeding. Nothing had changed, it didn't hurt, in fact as a big growing boy, it took him 3 minutes to drain a breast, then roll over peacefully and fall asleep. I just - didn't like it. I started making up excuses and hoping he'd fall asleep before I got to him. Like clockwork, he got sick, and spent his birthday with pink-eye and a bad cold. Nevertheless, I just felt it was time, and on his 4th birthday, I weaned him for good.
2 weeks later, I conceived our 3rd child.
I do miss breastfeeding my boy. I miss using that instant comfort when he is sick or hurt. I miss him popping off and saying "Thank you, mommy, that was delicious."
His dark circles are still there, but I had my doctor take a look at him, and she said he looks vibrant and healthy. She then confessed that she breastfed her own son until he was 4, which just endeared her to me even more than she already is. I give him a multi-vitamin and have to get after him to drink water and eat something. Unlike Deirdre, who will eat anything, including hot salsa, Connor very rarely eats a piece of fruit or vegetable unless I bribe him, and would prefer to live off of plain noodles and fruit bars.
Now, did I do all this just to meet my own needs? Did I keep him from gaining some arbritrary independence?
Not if you know my Connor.
It was an honor and blessing to feed you with my own body, my son. I love you forever.